I had a conversation with The Lifer tonight that was rather entertaining. The first part of the call was strictly business. We were discussing numerous details about the upcoming event. It seems The Parole Board will not be getting much sleep in the next few days!
The last minutes of the call were spent laughing about how broke we are because of LBB. You see, each one of us on The Parole Board puts in a lot of money, time and effort into the company. To say that we are passionate about LBB would be an vast understatement.
At times, we all question whether we are going to be able to get LBB off the ground as we envision. We never did start this to make money. The original idea was just to share some stories. That's been the plan for years. But, since the formation of the facebook group, things have accelerated faster than any of us could believe. The growth in popularity has pushed us creatively and allowed us to conjure up some great concepts/ideas for the future (in my opinion). However, in order to take LBB where we want to go, we will definitely need money.
So, there have been several instances during The Parole Board's daily meetings where at least one of us mentions the fact that we need more money to take LBB to the next level. We know we are on the right path, but it's a difficult one. This is not a company funded by investors. There is no bank loan. And we aren't wealthy individuals. In fact, we are all broke. And we are putting in a lot of hours into the company. I know that I am personally putting in about 30 hours a week in LBB related work. I would say The Lifer and The Warden each work at least that much on the company also. This is, of course, in addition to our other jobs.
Without a steady cash flow we will never be able to start our non-profit organization (charity). We want to create a charity that will help raise money to pay for living expenses of INMATES that are injured/sick and cannot work. Most INMATES, if they aren't working, don't have a way to pay bills - the plan is to help them out. Maybe we won't be able to pay too much to each individual person, or maybe you have to work a certain number of hours per week to qualify, but some assistance is better than nothing. We don't have all the details worked out yet, but what we do know is that if the Screen Actors Guild offers catastrophic insurance for actors, INMATES should have something similar. We also know that it takes money to run a charity.
Anyway, the point is, we have a lot of ideas that will help benefit the service industry but without money, none of those will happen. This was discussed in tonight's conversation with The Lifer. We laughed about how much we work for nothing. Running LBB is akin to unrequited love because we all love LBB despite the company not showing us much love in return. Each dollar we make goes back into the company with what seems like $4 or $5 of our own money! The Lifer said in jest that he's so broke he can't even afford to replace his old ragged boxers so he's just going to have to start wearing the LBB boyshorts. That proceeded to start us down a path of laughing so much that my stomach hurt. And we ended up the call on a positive note.
Anyway, I'm not even sure what the point of this article is. I do know that the best part about running a business with two other people that are as dedicated as you is, knowing that every minute I spend working on LBB, my business partners are doing the same thing. And I can promise you this, the fact that the INMATES have been so supportive of the company helps motivate The Parole Board to work even harder. Accomplishing our goals means every single person that has supported LBB will benefit and have fun along the way. Toast!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Countdown To Sunday
We are only 4 days away from the New Year's Casino Riot. The Parole Board is beyond excited about this event. The next 96 hours are going to be a stressful, whirlwind marathon of final preparations. We have been on the phone constantly collecting donations for the raffle and getting all the last minute details ready for the party.
I spoke with INMATE Patrick Zimmerman who is working furiously to complete the BATTLESHOTS drinking game for the event. In case you don't know, the plan is to have a silent auction for the game with all the proceeds going to Autism Speaks. Big shout-out to Patrick for this donation! Be sure to bring extra cash for the auction as this item is going to be quite popular.
I hope all the INMATES are as excited as The Parole Board is about this Sunday. To our knowledge, this is the first time the service industry will get their own NYE party, which is long overdue. So, bring your lucky rabbit's foot and get ready to have a blast gambling, drinking, celebrating and welcoming in 2012. Toast!
I spoke with INMATE Patrick Zimmerman who is working furiously to complete the BATTLESHOTS drinking game for the event. In case you don't know, the plan is to have a silent auction for the game with all the proceeds going to Autism Speaks. Big shout-out to Patrick for this donation! Be sure to bring extra cash for the auction as this item is going to be quite popular.
I hope all the INMATES are as excited as The Parole Board is about this Sunday. To our knowledge, this is the first time the service industry will get their own NYE party, which is long overdue. So, bring your lucky rabbit's foot and get ready to have a blast gambling, drinking, celebrating and welcoming in 2012. Toast!
Friday, December 23, 2011
The Laptop Situation
Wednesday was a scary time for The Parole Board. As I stated in a previous post, we have been working on a video that details what Life Behind Bars is all about. This video will be presented to a major liquor company in hopes of getting funding in 2012 to help expand LBB. Needless to say, there is a lot riding on this.
So there I am at work, drinking my coffee and editing some pictures that are going into the video. I start to notice that my track pad wasn’t cooperating with me. When I would try to click on something it would act like I was holding the clicker down and would drag stuff as I was moving the pad. This was really making it hard for me to flow through my creative ideas and it was pissing me off! It slowly grew worse till my clicker didn’t work at all. So now I have no clicker and a deadline to meet with the LBB promo video. There was only one thing to do, drop everything and go to the apple store…to the LBB mobile!
It was approximately 10:00 a.m. and I had just sat down at my desk to commence working. Before I could even enjoy my morning coffee, I received a phone call from The Warden about an issue. He said that the track pad on his Mac wasn't functioning properly. The track pad (for those of you wondering) is the little square on a MacBook laptop that serves as the mouse. He said that he was going to the Apple store to have them look at it. Although the entire contents of the video and the software needed to complete the video were on the laptop, I wasn't too concerned about the situation as it was just the track pad malfunctioning. Or so I thought.
So now I have taken my lunch break a little early to go to the mall, right before Christmas, and hang out in the most populated store, the Apple store. I make my appointment with the Genius Bar and this little kid comes out to help me. This kid looked like Peter Parker and acted like PeeWee Herman. They asked me what the problem was. I explained and then they ran some tests. The kid said that the track pad wasn’t working (no shit) and that my Mac is no longer under warranty. He explained and that I would have to buy a mouse for $40 or I can replace the track pad for $80.
He got a mouse and plugged it in only to find out that the mouse wasn’t clicking either…WTF?! So, PeeWee Parker took my Mac back into the back to run more test. When he came out he said that for the mouse to work, they would have to shut off the track pad completely. I agreed for him to turn the track pad off and send me on my way. Knowing that I had a bluetooth mouse back at home that I could go and get, I headed that way so I could start using my Mac and get back to the LBB video.
After lunch, I spoke with The Warden about the laptop and things had not improved. He tried to inform me what was going on, but when it comes to computer stuff, I don't speak the lingo very well. All I gathered from the conversation was the computer was still not working and The Warden was headed back to the Apple store.
I get home, grab my mouse and start to sync my mouse up to my laptop. But, I can’t use my track pad so I can’t hook up my mouse. I then realize that I have to go back to the Apple store to use a mouse to get this hooked up. I hop in my ride and head back. When I get there I don’t even talk to anyone, I just go up to a Mac that has a mouse, unplug the mouse and plug it into mine. I set up my bluetooth mouse then I jet!
The Warden calls me and says that he just left the Apple store and all systems were go. Immediately it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me as the fate of our company is riding squarely on this video. Things are good, I finally relax. At least for a little while.
I went to go and visit some of my INMATES up at Social 121 to drop off some bar keys. When I got there they handed me a shot of Rumple and my normal Stoli and soda. So I decide to grab my Mac and do a little work at the bar. When I open up my computer and get it going I soon find out that my keyboard does not work at all. So now I am stuck with a Mac that has a functioning mouse but I can’t type anything or use any of my commands.
I left work around 6:15 p.m. and got a call from The Warden. Guess what?! He was going back to the Apple store. That makes a hat-trick of trips to Apple in one day. I began to wonder if I was being punked. But, there was no Ashton Kutcher. Nor were there any camera crews popping out of nowhere like Vietcong soldiers in 'Nam. Oh no. And just like plot of The Blair Witch Project, the laptop situation grew worse with each passing minute.
In fact, the status of the laptop situation was elevated to code red. The Warden and I were doing our best to keep our composure. However, all I could focus on was that of all the times for a computer to act up, it happens a few days before the biggest deadline of our lives. With that in mind, The Warden returned to the Apple store while I waited on pins and needles for an update.
I take the shot, suck the Stoli and soda down, jump in my ride and head back to the Apple store (AGAIN) before they close. Luckily, once at the Apple store, they were able to get my keyboard functioning properly. I'm not sure what time I ended up leaving, but I do know that I spent my whole day dealing with the laptop situation - three trips to the Apple store during the busiest shopping season of the year left me in serious need of alcohol. I called The Lawyer and let him know that we are good and that I'd meet him at the bar in 15 minutes.
I got the call around 8:00 p.m. and The Warden said that finally, everything was working properly. I let out a huge sigh of relief. That past two hours were spent wondering how we were going to explain the mishap to the liquor company and questioning whether or not they'd be understaning and, more importanly, wondering if they would still give us a chance to redeem ourselves. Anyway, I could tell by the sound in his voice that the laptop situation rendered The Warden weak and in critical need of rumple. We made plans to meet at a bar and drink the day into oblivion. Never a dull moment for The Parole Board.
[The Warden]
It was approximately 10:00 a.m. and I had just sat down at my desk to commence working. Before I could even enjoy my morning coffee, I received a phone call from The Warden about an issue. He said that the track pad on his Mac wasn't functioning properly. The track pad (for those of you wondering) is the little square on a MacBook laptop that serves as the mouse. He said that he was going to the Apple store to have them look at it. Although the entire contents of the video and the software needed to complete the video were on the laptop, I wasn't too concerned about the situation as it was just the track pad malfunctioning. Or so I thought.
So now I have taken my lunch break a little early to go to the mall, right before Christmas, and hang out in the most populated store, the Apple store. I make my appointment with the Genius Bar and this little kid comes out to help me. This kid looked like Peter Parker and acted like PeeWee Herman. They asked me what the problem was. I explained and then they ran some tests. The kid said that the track pad wasn’t working (no shit) and that my Mac is no longer under warranty. He explained and that I would have to buy a mouse for $40 or I can replace the track pad for $80.
He got a mouse and plugged it in only to find out that the mouse wasn’t clicking either…WTF?! So, PeeWee Parker took my Mac back into the back to run more test. When he came out he said that for the mouse to work, they would have to shut off the track pad completely. I agreed for him to turn the track pad off and send me on my way. Knowing that I had a bluetooth mouse back at home that I could go and get, I headed that way so I could start using my Mac and get back to the LBB video.
After lunch, I spoke with The Warden about the laptop and things had not improved. He tried to inform me what was going on, but when it comes to computer stuff, I don't speak the lingo very well. All I gathered from the conversation was the computer was still not working and The Warden was headed back to the Apple store.
I get home, grab my mouse and start to sync my mouse up to my laptop. But, I can’t use my track pad so I can’t hook up my mouse. I then realize that I have to go back to the Apple store to use a mouse to get this hooked up. I hop in my ride and head back. When I get there I don’t even talk to anyone, I just go up to a Mac that has a mouse, unplug the mouse and plug it into mine. I set up my bluetooth mouse then I jet!
The Warden calls me and says that he just left the Apple store and all systems were go. Immediately it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me as the fate of our company is riding squarely on this video. Things are good, I finally relax. At least for a little while.
I went to go and visit some of my INMATES up at Social 121 to drop off some bar keys. When I got there they handed me a shot of Rumple and my normal Stoli and soda. So I decide to grab my Mac and do a little work at the bar. When I open up my computer and get it going I soon find out that my keyboard does not work at all. So now I am stuck with a Mac that has a functioning mouse but I can’t type anything or use any of my commands.
I left work around 6:15 p.m. and got a call from The Warden. Guess what?! He was going back to the Apple store. That makes a hat-trick of trips to Apple in one day. I began to wonder if I was being punked. But, there was no Ashton Kutcher. Nor were there any camera crews popping out of nowhere like Vietcong soldiers in 'Nam. Oh no. And just like plot of The Blair Witch Project, the laptop situation grew worse with each passing minute.
In fact, the status of the laptop situation was elevated to code red. The Warden and I were doing our best to keep our composure. However, all I could focus on was that of all the times for a computer to act up, it happens a few days before the biggest deadline of our lives. With that in mind, The Warden returned to the Apple store while I waited on pins and needles for an update.
I take the shot, suck the Stoli and soda down, jump in my ride and head back to the Apple store (AGAIN) before they close. Luckily, once at the Apple store, they were able to get my keyboard functioning properly. I'm not sure what time I ended up leaving, but I do know that I spent my whole day dealing with the laptop situation - three trips to the Apple store during the busiest shopping season of the year left me in serious need of alcohol. I called The Lawyer and let him know that we are good and that I'd meet him at the bar in 15 minutes.
I got the call around 8:00 p.m. and The Warden said that finally, everything was working properly. I let out a huge sigh of relief. That past two hours were spent wondering how we were going to explain the mishap to the liquor company and questioning whether or not they'd be understaning and, more importanly, wondering if they would still give us a chance to redeem ourselves. Anyway, I could tell by the sound in his voice that the laptop situation rendered The Warden weak and in critical need of rumple. We made plans to meet at a bar and drink the day into oblivion. Never a dull moment for The Parole Board.
Perks of the Job
One of the best perks of running Life Behind Bars is meeting so many great people. The INMATES are awesome. And when it comes to drinking, they throw down. On Wednesday night, The Warden and I planned to visit a few INMATES at their bars.
We started at Whiskey Cake in Plano around 8:00 p.m. Joanna Howard was bartending and The Warden and I began drinking face eraser shots (mind eraser - sub rumple for vodka). After a couple of those, we proceeded into Addison. The first stop once we were there was The Muckey Duck (formerly Zen). Justin Foster was behind the bar, which always makes for an amusing bar experience. For those of you that aren't in the know, Justin is a comedian. Naturally, we had several laughs. And, another face eraser.
After that, we headed over to Champps to see Alexis Rolon. She proceeded to buy us another face eraser. She's cool like that. Another INMATE, Skylar Rain, who is new to LBB, met us at Champps. Unfortunately, I cannot recall whether or not he had a face eraser. I know that he had a shot, but my memory fails me as to what kind of shot it was. Or, perhaps it's not so much the memory failing as the alcohol working.
The next stop was Dukes Original Roadhouse, where the Mendoza sisters were working. A large group of INMATES were rioting (partying) there, so we wanted to join in the festivities. By the time we arrived, the party had already departed. We spoke with Melissa Mendoza and she said the group relocated to The Back 9. Shockingly, we didn't have a shot Dukes.
The Back 9 was the last stop of the evening, where INMATE Michael "Lucky" Peters was tending bar. When The Warden and I strolled through the door, there were approximately 20 INMATES boozing it up. It's hard to describe the atmosphere, but picture some kind of reunion party, where people haven't seen each other in a long time. That's a perfect excuse to drink excessively and act a fool. The only thing is, the INMATES see each other all the time! The INMATES just know how to have a great time..night after night. And they wasted no time buying us shots so that we could partake in those reindeer games.
Before I knew it, everyone was feeling toasty and crazy shit was happening. The Warden was absolutely smashed and walking around with a scarf covering his face, thus giving a new meaning to face eraser; Danille Pirtle was asked to leave because she couldn't keep her head up, so we had to carry her to a car so she could sleep; Alexis and I were judging a bikini contest; and AJ Hammel passed out, pissed himself and was surrounded by people in panda bear costumes. All in all, it was a great night. I love the INMATES!
We started at Whiskey Cake in Plano around 8:00 p.m. Joanna Howard was bartending and The Warden and I began drinking face eraser shots (mind eraser - sub rumple for vodka). After a couple of those, we proceeded into Addison. The first stop once we were there was The Muckey Duck (formerly Zen). Justin Foster was behind the bar, which always makes for an amusing bar experience. For those of you that aren't in the know, Justin is a comedian. Naturally, we had several laughs. And, another face eraser.
After that, we headed over to Champps to see Alexis Rolon. She proceeded to buy us another face eraser. She's cool like that. Another INMATE, Skylar Rain, who is new to LBB, met us at Champps. Unfortunately, I cannot recall whether or not he had a face eraser. I know that he had a shot, but my memory fails me as to what kind of shot it was. Or, perhaps it's not so much the memory failing as the alcohol working.
The next stop was Dukes Original Roadhouse, where the Mendoza sisters were working. A large group of INMATES were rioting (partying) there, so we wanted to join in the festivities. By the time we arrived, the party had already departed. We spoke with Melissa Mendoza and she said the group relocated to The Back 9. Shockingly, we didn't have a shot Dukes.
The Back 9 was the last stop of the evening, where INMATE Michael "Lucky" Peters was tending bar. When The Warden and I strolled through the door, there were approximately 20 INMATES boozing it up. It's hard to describe the atmosphere, but picture some kind of reunion party, where people haven't seen each other in a long time. That's a perfect excuse to drink excessively and act a fool. The only thing is, the INMATES see each other all the time! The INMATES just know how to have a great time..night after night. And they wasted no time buying us shots so that we could partake in those reindeer games.
Before I knew it, everyone was feeling toasty and crazy shit was happening. The Warden was absolutely smashed and walking around with a scarf covering his face, thus giving a new meaning to face eraser; Danille Pirtle was asked to leave because she couldn't keep her head up, so we had to carry her to a car so she could sleep; Alexis and I were judging a bikini contest; and AJ Hammel passed out, pissed himself and was surrounded by people in panda bear costumes. All in all, it was a great night. I love the INMATES!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Rock N Shot Comedy Tour
Just got off the phone with The Warden. Another hour plus phone conversation. I talk more on the phone to The Warden and The Lifer than anyone else, even my girlfriend. Anyway, The Warden is hard at work right now doing his graphic design thing. LBB has been speaking to a few different liquor companies recently about sponsorship. One of the companies would like us to create a short video that conveys our message and our goals. This video will be played for the decision makers of said liquor company in hopes of LBB receiving some financial backing in 2012.
One of the big goals The Parole Board has for the upcoming year is to take the Rock N Shot Comedy Show nationwide, thus becoming the Rock N Shot Comedy Tour. We already have INMATES in numerouscities wells that are willing to help facilitate this. The plan is to take one band and comedian from Dallas on the road with us and fill the other spots with local talent from each city well. The only obstacle standing in our way is money. And that's where we turn to the sponsors.
The deadline for the video is right around the corner. Thus far, negotiations with this liquor company have been painless. I hope the trend continues. Either way, we will know sometime in January whether or not this particular company will be part of the tour.
For now, we just need to focus on delivering a quality video. Thankfully The Warden is a creative genius when it comes to visual arts because we have a lot riding on this. If The Lifer and I were forced to create the video on our own, it would have the production quality comparable to that of the music videos my six year old daughter makes with her Fisher Price camcorder.
One of the big goals The Parole Board has for the upcoming year is to take the Rock N Shot Comedy Show nationwide, thus becoming the Rock N Shot Comedy Tour. We already have INMATES in numerous
The deadline for the video is right around the corner. Thus far, negotiations with this liquor company have been painless. I hope the trend continues. Either way, we will know sometime in January whether or not this particular company will be part of the tour.
For now, we just need to focus on delivering a quality video. Thankfully The Warden is a creative genius when it comes to visual arts because we have a lot riding on this. If The Lifer and I were forced to create the video on our own, it would have the production quality comparable to that of the music videos my six year old daughter makes with her Fisher Price camcorder.
LBB Website
We are quickly approaching the start of 2012 which means two things for Life Behind Bars. One, the New Year's Casino Riot is right around the corner. And two, we have a lot of late nights ahead of us over these next couple weeks in order to get our website ready to launch.
Creating a website is a very involved process. Prior to this, my only website creating experience was for my law practice. Maybe I am using the wrong terminology when I say "create." I did absolutely none of the coding. I'd be better off attempting to translate hieroglyphics than to explain what HTML 5 means. I simply told someone what I wanted it to look like. Anyway, the point is, the website I used for my law practice was quite simple. Only a few different pages of information.
On the other end of the spectrum is the website for Life Behind Bars. There are a lot more than a few pages within the site and there are a ton of functions. We hired a really skilled web designer to take our ideas and implement them into the site. Things are going well, but we still have a lot left to do.
We have a lot of ideas and it's important that we don't sacrifice the quality of the site for the sake of releasing it as soon as possible. The plan was to launch the site by the next event (January 1, 2012). Jerry, the web designer, is definitely capable of getting it ready by then. The issue is that the more we work on it, the more ideas we get. And with each new idea, means more work for everyone. And more work means delaying the launch date...again.
That being said, we don't mind more work. In fact, we embrace it. For once we have found ourselves in a situation where work does not equate to misery. Running Life Behind Bars is actually fun. It's time consuming and can be stressful but, we love it. We have met some amazing people and can't wait to see what 2012 has in store for LBB.
But, I digress. I was just talking about how with each new idea for the website, we have to delay the launch date. At least that was our mentality. Now we are looking at things from a different angle. Instead of trying to complete the site and then launch it, we are instead going to get the website to a good point and then launch it with the expectation of having the site change as new ideas surface.
I suppose Mark Zuckerberg (the creator of FaceBook) was right when he said, "The site [Facebook] will never be finished, that's the point. The way fashion's never finished." It's a strange comparison, but it's true. Fashion is never finished. It simply evolves. As will the LBB website. We now understand that we will never arrive at a point in time where we step back and tell ourselves, the site is complete. That's just not going to happen. For if it did, that would mean we were selling ourselves, and more importantly, the INMATES, short.
Creating a website is a very involved process. Prior to this, my only website creating experience was for my law practice. Maybe I am using the wrong terminology when I say "create." I did absolutely none of the coding. I'd be better off attempting to translate hieroglyphics than to explain what HTML 5 means. I simply told someone what I wanted it to look like. Anyway, the point is, the website I used for my law practice was quite simple. Only a few different pages of information.
On the other end of the spectrum is the website for Life Behind Bars. There are a lot more than a few pages within the site and there are a ton of functions. We hired a really skilled web designer to take our ideas and implement them into the site. Things are going well, but we still have a lot left to do.
We have a lot of ideas and it's important that we don't sacrifice the quality of the site for the sake of releasing it as soon as possible. The plan was to launch the site by the next event (January 1, 2012). Jerry, the web designer, is definitely capable of getting it ready by then. The issue is that the more we work on it, the more ideas we get. And with each new idea, means more work for everyone. And more work means delaying the launch date...again.
That being said, we don't mind more work. In fact, we embrace it. For once we have found ourselves in a situation where work does not equate to misery. Running Life Behind Bars is actually fun. It's time consuming and can be stressful but, we love it. We have met some amazing people and can't wait to see what 2012 has in store for LBB.
But, I digress. I was just talking about how with each new idea for the website, we have to delay the launch date. At least that was our mentality. Now we are looking at things from a different angle. Instead of trying to complete the site and then launch it, we are instead going to get the website to a good point and then launch it with the expectation of having the site change as new ideas surface.
I suppose Mark Zuckerberg (the creator of FaceBook) was right when he said, "The site [Facebook] will never be finished, that's the point. The way fashion's never finished." It's a strange comparison, but it's true. Fashion is never finished. It simply evolves. As will the LBB website. We now understand that we will never arrive at a point in time where we step back and tell ourselves, the site is complete. That's just not going to happen. For if it did, that would mean we were selling ourselves, and more importantly, the INMATES, short.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
"The Company?!"
Lately I have been bombarded with telemarketing calls from businesses trying to sell their services to Life Behind Bars. No joke, I get 5 to 6 calls a day from banks offering business loans, companies that offer payroll services, graphic designers, apparel vendors, and more.
This all started when LBB got their State Sales Tax ID Number a couple months ago. I was not aware at the time but, when you get your ID number, your company's name is put on a list with other businesses that have just obtained their sales tax numbers. That list is then disseminated to companies that pay telemarketers to call you. If you have been ever been arrested, then you know what I am talking about. Attorneys pay to receive a list of names and addresses for individuals that were recently arrested. Then the attorneys flood the mailboxes of those arrestees with letters vying for their business. So, these calls are like that, only more intrusive because it's a phone call not a letter.
Anyway, a few minutes ago, I received a phone call from an area code I was not familiar with. It was 3-6-something. I knew right away this was another marketing call. And on a Sunday?! I've gotten to the point where I don't even answer anymore and I wasn't going to take this particular call either, but for some reason I did.
When I answered the phone, the voice on the other end said, "Umm, yes, can I speak to the owner?" His tone was shaky, almost like he was nervous about making the call. Perhaps he is new to the job. Bad news for him though, if you don't like cold calling people, you are in the wrong business. I replied and let him know that he was speaking to one of the owners. He then said, "I'm calling today to see if, ummmm, uhh, the company has need for e-commerce services."
By this point, he has only said two sentences to me and I'm not very impressed. When I answered the phone, I didn't say, "Life Behind Bars," I simply said, "Hello." He never did ask if he was speaking to Life Behind Bars. Also, the telemarketer failed to introduce himself so I had no clue to whom I was speaking. At that exact moment, I thought about Giovanni Ribisi's telemarketing scene from the movie Boiler Room. If you've seen that movie, you will appreciate what I said next; politely, of course.
My response, "The company? Are you serious? Is this the best sales pitch that you have? I mean, do you even know what the name of my company is?" At that moment, I do believe that panic set in because all he could say was "Ummmmm, Ummmmm" as papers were shuffling in the background. I waited about 15 seconds before I said anything else.
"Alright, so my name is Dana Stewart and I am one of the owners of 'the company.' For future reference, the company's name is Life Behind Bars. I certainly don't expect you to know all the details of my business, but before you try to sell me a service, you should know the name of my company. Also, if you are going to force me to take time out of my day to talk to you, have enough respect to at least give the facade that you take your job seriously."
"Ok........thank you," he replied.
This all started when LBB got their State Sales Tax ID Number a couple months ago. I was not aware at the time but, when you get your ID number, your company's name is put on a list with other businesses that have just obtained their sales tax numbers. That list is then disseminated to companies that pay telemarketers to call you. If you have been ever been arrested, then you know what I am talking about. Attorneys pay to receive a list of names and addresses for individuals that were recently arrested. Then the attorneys flood the mailboxes of those arrestees with letters vying for their business. So, these calls are like that, only more intrusive because it's a phone call not a letter.
Anyway, a few minutes ago, I received a phone call from an area code I was not familiar with. It was 3-6-something. I knew right away this was another marketing call. And on a Sunday?! I've gotten to the point where I don't even answer anymore and I wasn't going to take this particular call either, but for some reason I did.
When I answered the phone, the voice on the other end said, "Umm, yes, can I speak to the owner?" His tone was shaky, almost like he was nervous about making the call. Perhaps he is new to the job. Bad news for him though, if you don't like cold calling people, you are in the wrong business. I replied and let him know that he was speaking to one of the owners. He then said, "I'm calling today to see if, ummmm, uhh, the company has need for e-commerce services."
By this point, he has only said two sentences to me and I'm not very impressed. When I answered the phone, I didn't say, "Life Behind Bars," I simply said, "Hello." He never did ask if he was speaking to Life Behind Bars. Also, the telemarketer failed to introduce himself so I had no clue to whom I was speaking. At that exact moment, I thought about Giovanni Ribisi's telemarketing scene from the movie Boiler Room. If you've seen that movie, you will appreciate what I said next; politely, of course.
"Alright, so my name is Dana Stewart and I am one of the owners of 'the company.' For future reference, the company's name is Life Behind Bars. I certainly don't expect you to know all the details of my business, but before you try to sell me a service, you should know the name of my company. Also, if you are going to force me to take time out of my day to talk to you, have enough respect to at least give the facade that you take your job seriously."
"Ok........thank you," he replied.
INMATE Expansion
I've been doing some research on the states that have a LBB following. Below is a map that reflects the states where there are INMATES. I am really impressed by this because our only form of advertising is word-of-mouth.
We also have INMATES in Canada, Germany, Italy and Australia. So, I want to give a shout-out to the INMATES for helping Life Behind Bars expand. Toast!
We also have INMATES in Canada, Germany, Italy and Australia. So, I want to give a shout-out to the INMATES for helping Life Behind Bars expand. Toast!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
2011?!
So I called The Warden about an hour ago just to check in with him. You see, The Parole Board speaks to each other numerous times a day. Most of the conversations are positive. All of them are entertaining. One thing I will say is, you have to have thick skin to be in The Parole Board. We are all friends, and because of that, we love to rip on each other.
Anyway, when The Warden answered the phone, he sounded like Eeyore after popping 2 valiums and washing it down with pint of whiskey. I immediately asked what was wrong. And then he told me there is an issue with the invitations for the next event. We just got them in the mail today, and there's a problem. Apparently no one noticed that the date for the event was wrong..."Sunday, January 1, 2011" The Warden said.
"What the fuck?!" That was pretty much my response, verbatim. I couldn't believe that three people somehow failed to realize that we just printed 250 invitations for a party set to occur almost a year ago. I was able to pick up on the fact that the invitations were missing the service mark symbol ("SM") after our logo, but couldn't see we just planned an event for January 2011.
Fortunately, we were able to order replacement invites, for less than the original price and they will be ready tomorrow. But that doesn't change the fact that we just spent a few hundred dollars printing invitations to a party on January 1, 2011. Brilliant.
Anyway, when The Warden answered the phone, he sounded like Eeyore after popping 2 valiums and washing it down with pint of whiskey. I immediately asked what was wrong. And then he told me there is an issue with the invitations for the next event. We just got them in the mail today, and there's a problem. Apparently no one noticed that the date for the event was wrong..."Sunday, January 1, 2011" The Warden said.
"What the fuck?!" That was pretty much my response, verbatim. I couldn't believe that three people somehow failed to realize that we just printed 250 invitations for a party set to occur almost a year ago. I was able to pick up on the fact that the invitations were missing the service mark symbol ("SM") after our logo, but couldn't see we just planned an event for January 2011.
Fortunately, we were able to order replacement invites, for less than the original price and they will be ready tomorrow. But that doesn't change the fact that we just spent a few hundred dollars printing invitations to a party on January 1, 2011. Brilliant.
Soapbox Derby Race
So, I was on the phone with The Warden earlier and he told me something rather interesting. Red Bull apparently has a national soapbox derby race. This year, the race was in Los Angeles. This competition looks like a lot fun. According to a reliable source within the company, Red Bull considers anything less than 50,000 in attendance to be a failure. The size of this party is really beyond the comprehension of most people.
Here is a little background info about the event (taken from the website):
The race is open to anyone who not only thinks they can build the greatest thing on four wheels, but is actually willing to drive their creation downhill. One car will race on a closed track. You will actually be racing against the clock. Not literally, of course. Clocks don't know how to drive soapbox cars. But, winners will be selected, in part, based on their course times.
Drivers must be 18 years of age or older, and four “mechanics” of any age will make up your pit crew. They’ll give you the push you need to get you off the starting ramp. But no engines, gas, batteries, electrical cords or catapults are allowed. And nothing can be mounted, screwed into or glued to the pavement in any way, shape or form. The vehicle definitely should have brakes, however, because we can’t be held responsible for stopping you.
Your soapbox car must weigh less than 176 lbs., not including the driver. You don’t want your mechanics pulling a hammy. Also, all vehicles must be less than six feet wide and 20 feet in length and no more than seven feet high. Also, no pre-fabricated vehicles allowed, which is just a fancy way of saying that you have to come up with the design yourself.
In 2012, the race is coming to Dallas. Austin Ranch to be exact. Anyone that has been there, knows about the steep hill on Windhaven Parkway. Well, that is the exact location this race will take place in the fall of 2012. So, The Parole Board decided that the race needs an INMATE car. After some brainstorming, we came up with a great idea (at least we think so) for the design of the soapbox car. I don't want to give away anything yet, but I promise to keep you updated as we make progress.
To read more about the event, click here http://www.redbullsoapboxusa.com/.
Here is a little background info about the event (taken from the website):
The race is open to anyone who not only thinks they can build the greatest thing on four wheels, but is actually willing to drive their creation downhill. One car will race on a closed track. You will actually be racing against the clock. Not literally, of course. Clocks don't know how to drive soapbox cars. But, winners will be selected, in part, based on their course times.
Drivers must be 18 years of age or older, and four “mechanics” of any age will make up your pit crew. They’ll give you the push you need to get you off the starting ramp. But no engines, gas, batteries, electrical cords or catapults are allowed. And nothing can be mounted, screwed into or glued to the pavement in any way, shape or form. The vehicle definitely should have brakes, however, because we can’t be held responsible for stopping you.
Your soapbox car must weigh less than 176 lbs., not including the driver. You don’t want your mechanics pulling a hammy. Also, all vehicles must be less than six feet wide and 20 feet in length and no more than seven feet high. Also, no pre-fabricated vehicles allowed, which is just a fancy way of saying that you have to come up with the design yourself.
In 2012, the race is coming to Dallas. Austin Ranch to be exact. Anyone that has been there, knows about the steep hill on Windhaven Parkway. Well, that is the exact location this race will take place in the fall of 2012. So, The Parole Board decided that the race needs an INMATE car. After some brainstorming, we came up with a great idea (at least we think so) for the design of the soapbox car. I don't want to give away anything yet, but I promise to keep you updated as we make progress.
To read more about the event, click here http://www.redbullsoapboxusa.com/.
The Las Vegas Theory
One of the many things The Parole Board is working on is our pilot episode of our tv show. Imagine Entourage meets the movie Waiting. Anyway, we have been tossing around ideas for several years. We initially were working on a script for a movie, but now things have shifted a little bit. Anyway, we envision a scene where a bartender is either talking to another bartender or to a bar guest, about how to have more success in the dating world.
The Las Vegas Theory is a metaphor used to teach guys how to increase their odds of having sex. It started because I had a bar regular (Andrew) that was constantly pursuing one girl. He'd come into the bar, frustrated, talking about how he and this girl have been hanging out for a while and nothing had happened sexually. To me, this girl didn't really seem to be that interested in him, but he was not going to be deterred. They spent time together, talked on the phone, etc but she never did sleep with him. In order to help ease his suffering, one night at the bar, I told him that he needed to embrace the Las Vegas Theory.
The particular scene we are working on will mirror the situation above. When the bartender mentions the Las Vegas Theory, the bar regular (or other bartender) asks what in the hell that means. To which the bartender replies, "Let me explain..."
The world of dating can be compared to Las Vegas. In Vegas, you and your buddies cruise through the streets en route to the casinos. A "casino" in the dating world is a bar (FYI, this is where the metaphors commence). Your friends might know about a really good casino they want you to check out. Maybe you know of a casino that your friends haven't heard of. Or, better yet, you all decide to check out a casino none of you have been to. Regardless, when you walk into a casino, what do you see?
Slots. And a lot of them. The most popular casinos have plenty of slot machines (women) to choose from. So, you walk into the casino and begin scouting out all the slots until you find one that catches your eye. Sometimes you waste no time and immediately approach the slot machine. But other times, you need some liquid courage first.
Nevertheless, you find a slot machine that appears to have potential and you make your move. What happens next? You invest time and money into said slot machine, hoping for a big "pay out." Sometimes you get lucky and the slot machine immediately hits. But, as we all know, Vegas wasn't built on winners. And in the world of dating, there are no sure things. That usually means you will have to invest at least some time and money before you see a return.
So, how can you increase your odds of winning? Simple. You have to play multiple machines. Think about it, in Vegas, ever see those old ladies monopolizing an entire row of slots? Of course you have, because they all do it. And why? Well, you don't need to be a statistics major to comprehend the notion of playing more machines equates to better odds of winning.
If you only play one machine, you are severely limiting the amount of potential pay outs you could receive. Think about it, some machines will be "out of order" when you feel like playing. Other machines might be occupied by someone else. Moreover, some machines may not reciprocate anything despite all your efforts. And yet, for some reason, you continue to spend time with that machine, hoping things will change (just like Andrew did).
The point is, if you have multiple slot machines at your disposal, those issues won't be detrimental to your success. For example, if Machine A is out of commission or just not paying off, move on to Machine B. For beginners, it's probably best to stick with only 2 - 3 machines in your rotation. Once you learn to handle a few machines, you can begin increase that number. Over time, you should be able to develop a natural rhythm with the machines and thus, experience pay outs on a consistent basis.
So, that's the general idea of the story that the bartender will tell someone. The plan is to have a person try out the theory and fail miserably. Nothing like humor at someone else's expense.
The Las Vegas Theory is a metaphor used to teach guys how to increase their odds of having sex. It started because I had a bar regular (Andrew) that was constantly pursuing one girl. He'd come into the bar, frustrated, talking about how he and this girl have been hanging out for a while and nothing had happened sexually. To me, this girl didn't really seem to be that interested in him, but he was not going to be deterred. They spent time together, talked on the phone, etc but she never did sleep with him. In order to help ease his suffering, one night at the bar, I told him that he needed to embrace the Las Vegas Theory.
The particular scene we are working on will mirror the situation above. When the bartender mentions the Las Vegas Theory, the bar regular (or other bartender) asks what in the hell that means. To which the bartender replies, "Let me explain..."
The world of dating can be compared to Las Vegas. In Vegas, you and your buddies cruise through the streets en route to the casinos. A "casino" in the dating world is a bar (FYI, this is where the metaphors commence). Your friends might know about a really good casino they want you to check out. Maybe you know of a casino that your friends haven't heard of. Or, better yet, you all decide to check out a casino none of you have been to. Regardless, when you walk into a casino, what do you see?
Slots. And a lot of them. The most popular casinos have plenty of slot machines (women) to choose from. So, you walk into the casino and begin scouting out all the slots until you find one that catches your eye. Sometimes you waste no time and immediately approach the slot machine. But other times, you need some liquid courage first.
Nevertheless, you find a slot machine that appears to have potential and you make your move. What happens next? You invest time and money into said slot machine, hoping for a big "pay out." Sometimes you get lucky and the slot machine immediately hits. But, as we all know, Vegas wasn't built on winners. And in the world of dating, there are no sure things. That usually means you will have to invest at least some time and money before you see a return.
So, how can you increase your odds of winning? Simple. You have to play multiple machines. Think about it, in Vegas, ever see those old ladies monopolizing an entire row of slots? Of course you have, because they all do it. And why? Well, you don't need to be a statistics major to comprehend the notion of playing more machines equates to better odds of winning.
If you only play one machine, you are severely limiting the amount of potential pay outs you could receive. Think about it, some machines will be "out of order" when you feel like playing. Other machines might be occupied by someone else. Moreover, some machines may not reciprocate anything despite all your efforts. And yet, for some reason, you continue to spend time with that machine, hoping things will change (just like Andrew did).
The point is, if you have multiple slot machines at your disposal, those issues won't be detrimental to your success. For example, if Machine A is out of commission or just not paying off, move on to Machine B. For beginners, it's probably best to stick with only 2 - 3 machines in your rotation. Once you learn to handle a few machines, you can begin increase that number. Over time, you should be able to develop a natural rhythm with the machines and thus, experience pay outs on a consistent basis.
So, that's the general idea of the story that the bartender will tell someone. The plan is to have a person try out the theory and fail miserably. Nothing like humor at someone else's expense.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Welcome
I plan on using this blog to give INMATES some insight into my thoughts and more of a behind-the-scenes of what goes on with Life Behind Bars. The Parole Board has a lot going on right now and I want to document the growth of the company. So, I will post updates, stories and various things pertaining to Life Behind Bars and also interject some other thoughts along the way.
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