"The Company?!"

Lately I have been bombarded with telemarketing calls from businesses trying to sell their services to Life Behind Bars.  No joke, I get 5 to 6 calls a day from banks offering business loans, companies that offer payroll services, graphic designers, apparel vendors, and more. 

This all started when LBB got their State Sales Tax ID Number a couple months ago.  I was not aware at the time but, when you get your ID number, your company's name is put on a list with other businesses that have just obtained their sales tax numbers.  That list is then disseminated to companies that pay telemarketers to call you.  If you have been ever been arrested, then you know what I am talking about.  Attorneys pay to receive a list of names and addresses for individuals that were recently arrested.  Then the attorneys flood the mailboxes of those arrestees with letters vying for their business.  So, these calls are like that, only more intrusive because it's a phone call not a letter.

Anyway, a few minutes ago, I received a phone call from an area code I was not familiar with.  It was 3-6-something.  I knew right away this was another marketing call.  And on a Sunday?!  I've gotten to the point where I don't even answer anymore and I wasn't going to take this particular call either, but for some reason I did. 

When I answered the phone, the voice on the other end said, "Umm, yes, can I speak to the owner?"  His tone was shaky, almost like he was nervous about making the call.  Perhaps he is new to the job.  Bad news for him though, if you don't like cold calling people, you are in the wrong business. I replied and let him know that he was speaking to one of the owners.  He then said, "I'm calling today to see if, ummmm, uhh, the company has need for e-commerce services." 

By this point, he has only said two sentences to me and I'm not very impressed. When I answered the phone, I didn't say, "Life Behind Bars," I simply said, "Hello."  He never did ask if he was speaking to Life Behind Bars. Also, the telemarketer failed to introduce himself so I had no clue to whom I was speaking.  At that exact moment, I thought about Giovanni Ribisi's telemarketing scene from the movie Boiler Room.  If you've seen that movie, you will appreciate what I said next; politely, of course.
My response, "The company?  Are you serious?  Is this the best sales pitch that you have?  I mean, do you even know what the name of my company is?"  At that moment, I do believe that panic set in because all he could say was "Ummmmm, Ummmmm" as papers were shuffling in the background.  I waited about 15 seconds before I said anything else.

"Alright, so my name is Dana Stewart and I am one of the owners of 'the company.'  For future reference, the company's name is Life Behind Bars.  I certainly don't expect you to know all the details of my business, but before you try to sell me a service, you should know the name of my company.  Also, if you are going to force me to take time out of my day to talk to you, have enough respect to at least give the facade that you take your job seriously." 

"Ok........thank you," he replied.