Life Behind Bars...The Film

The Parole Board has been working on a film project for a number of years.  Most INMATES are aware of this as we have eluded to this project occasionally over the years.  In fact, last year, we released a teaser-trailer for the film and received a lot of positive feedback and interest. 
                      
Although things may appear to have gone radio-silent with respect to the film, rest assured that still waters run deep.  Behind the scenes, The Parole Board has been involved with meeting after meeting in order to bring the film to completion.  Meetings with production companies, directors, lawyers, distribution companies, sponsors and investors seem to consume the majority of our days. But, this is a good thing as it means we are moving in the right direction. 

The film's concept is centered around the service industry life in Dallas, Texas. We will follow around, interview and document the lives of certain Dallas INMATES. Particularly, the film will focus on INMATES that fall into one of three categories: 1) lifers, 2) daywalkers and 3) daydreamers.  The idea is to show the world who we, as INMATES, truly are.

We are about to finish up the pre-production phase of the film and begin the production phase.  This is where you, the INMATES, come into play.  We would like to get feedback, ideas, thoughts, questions, comments and suggestions about the film.  This film is for the INMATES and thus, your thoughts are important to us. 

Therefore, next Monday, May 12, 2014 we would like to invite you to join The Parole Board at Club 8 (2645 Lyndon B Johnson Fwy, Dallas, TX 75234) for a White Board Session gathering.  We will start the event at 5:00 p.m. with drinks and give INMATES a chance to socialize with one another.  Thereafter, we will explain to you more about the film and what our vision is.  After that, we will open up the floor to you so that you can ask questions and give us input about what you'd like to see in the film. 

After the White Board Session gathering, we are going to being the production phase of the film.  Here is a general schedule of the upcoming events leading to the release of the film itself later this year:

• May 12, 2014 - White Board Session at Club 8
• June 1, 2014 - Pool Party/Filming Launch at Club 8
• July 2014 - Mixology Riot
• August 2014 - Comedy Riot featuring Justin Foster
• September 24, 2014 - Battle of the Bands Riot at Gas Monkey
• October 2014 - 86 Breast Cancer Scavenger Hunt
• November 19, 2014 - Red Carpet Movie Premier at Club 8

As we work out more of the details for these events, we will update you.  We hope to see you all at the White Board Session next Monday.  TOAST!

CALLING ALL INMATES

Occasionally I hear a story that breaks my heart while at the same time completely infuriates me.  I am about to share one such story with you now. 

On January 5, 2014, 69 year old Dallas resident Luis Rocha was brutally attacked leaving a Campisi's restaurant after picking up a to go order.  Mr. Rocha was not looking to start a fight that evening.  Nor was he running his mouth acting like an asshole.  Nope.  Not even close.  All he did was order a pizza and on the way back to his car, 3 dickless, spineless, complete wastes-of-sperm pricks decided to beat Mr. Rocha nearly to death. 

Mr. Rocha suffered broken back, broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken clavicle, a broken scapula and a shattered jaw as a result of what these fucking douchebags did to him.  What makes the entire incident perplexing is that Mr. Rocha's iPod, wallet, keys and other valuables were untouched.  So, it appears that the 3 fucktards decided to unleash a beating on an elderly man for no real reason. 

Mr. Rocha's son, Lou, has been an INMATE for 25 years.  So, naturally, other INMATES are rising up to show support for Mr. Rocha.  The Parole Board is asking that all INMATES come to The Back 9 in Addison tomorrow evening for a fund raiser for Mr. Rocha.   The event begins at 9:00pm and there will be $3.00 Wells, Calls and Domestics and $3.50 Crown & Down for all INMATES.  Also, there will be a bikini contest.  So, bring your wallets to help donate money for the Rocha family and prepare to have a good time while helping out a great man.

The police are still looking for the individuals that assaulted Mr. Rocha.  If you have any information about the incident, please contact the Dallas Police Department at 214-671-3001.    And, if those Tommy Toughnut mother fuckers that assaulted Mr. Rocha happen to read this blog, please contact The Parole Board.  We have baseball bats, 12" survival knives, assault rifles, countless pistols, an axe, a sledgehammer, thousands of rounds and a Hulk (aka The Lifer).  So, if you want to tango, I'm your Huckleberry.

2013 Hottest Bartender Contest

Attention all INMATES, it's time for you to cast your vote for the 2013 Hottest Bartender.  The field has been narrowed down to 10 finalists.  The girl that gets the most votes by August 31, 2013, will be crowned Blitz Weekly's Hottest Bartender of 2013.

If you click the link below, you will be taken to the Blitz Weekly Facebook page.  From there, you can click the arrows on the left or right of the screen to scroll through the pictures of the finalists.  You can cast your vote by "liking" the picture of the girl you think is the hottest.

Blitz Weekly 2013 Hottest Bartender Contest (click here to vote)

Unfortunately, you aren't provided with any information about the contestants.  Personally, I think a  short bio about each of the finalists would be very helpful for the voters.  And remember, this competition is not just about being aesthetically pleasing, but also about being a true bartender.

And, while The Parole Board does not know each of the finalists, we do know one of them quite well.  Her name is Courtney Ellis.  Currently, Courtney works at the Concrete Cowboy in Dallas, Texas.  And since you might know anything about her, I want to take this opportunity to tell you about her.

Courtney is a true bartender.  She is the definition of an INMATE.  She wasn't just put behind a bar because she looks good.  Really, there's nothing worse than an attractive bartender that sucks at bartending.  If someone wanted to tip a hot girl with no job skills, said person would just to go a strip club.  But, that's not the case with Courtney.  She has great drink/shot knowledge, she can pack a bar with customers and she won't buckle under the pressure of being 10 deep at last call.  The Parole Board is voting for Courtney to win the 2013 Hottest Bartender Content and you should too...     

VOTE FOR COURTNEY (click here)

This message was approved by The Warden.  Toast.

INMATE℠of the Year

Attention all INMATES℠, The Parole Board needs your help!

We know that you all work hard at your cells and each strive to maintain a high level of professionalism in your craft. However, we also know that there are a certain few amongst the INMATES℠ that take bartending to a different level. As such, Life Behind Bars℠ is happy to announce the presentation of the 1st Annual INMATE℠of the Year award during the New Years Casino Riot, set to occur at 8 p.m. on January 1, 2013.

Therefore, we need your help to determine the INMATES℠ that will be listed on the ballot. From today through next Wednesday, December 26, 2012, we are asking the INMATES℠ to submit their nominee for INMATE℠ of the Year. INMATES℠ should be selected based on their drink knowledge, entertainment factor, ability to fill a bar, industry connections, speed behind the bar, likability, participation on Life Behind Bars℠and anything else you feel is an important attribute for a bartender to possess.

Please submit your nomination for INMATE℠ of the Year to The Parole Board by emaling your selection to info@LBBinmate.com   Only one selection per INMATE℠. And, just like masturbating on an airplane, although it's not illegal, nominating yourself is frowned upon.

Voting will stop at 10 p.m. on December 26, 2012, and the top three INMATES℠ with the most nominations will advance to the final round of voting. At that time, we will ask all INMATES℠ to vote for one of the three finalists and the winner will be announced at the New Years Casino Riot. The winner will receive a special award from The Parole Board and will have bragging rights for the next 12 months.

Exercise your right to vote. Make your voice heard. INMATE℠ of the Year...it's up to you.

2013...It's That Time.

Alright INMATES, once again, it's time to welcome in the new year...LBB style.  For the majority of you, New Years Eve will be spent slinging booze while watching a bunch of amateurs drink too much.  Out of the 365 nightly opportunities to drink each year, why do all the douchebags, rookies and morons seem to infest bars and clubs when it's time to welcome in the new year?  I don't think anyone can answer that question.  Nor can anyone explain why if the #2 pencil is the most popular type of pencil, then why is it still #2?

Anyway, if you find yourself working on December 31 this year, don't fret.  On the eve of January 1, 2013, the INMATES will get their chance to welcome in the new year.  That's right, last year, The Parole Board decided enough with missing out on the most popular drinking night of the year.  We felt it was time for all the INMATES to have their own opportunity to throw-down on New Years Eve...and we made that happen.

Good news, we are doing it again.  Starting at 8 p.m. on Tuesday, January 1, 2013, we will commence the Second Annual INMATE Casino Riot.  And just like last year, we will bring Vegas to you.  Well, not all of Vegas, as we can't promise you herpes or 30 minute massages with happy endings, but there will be blackjack, roulette, and my personal favorite, craps.      

At the door, each INMATE will receive a special gift from The Parole Board.  I eluded to this gift in a blog post last week, but I'm not going to spill the beans here.  What I will say is that this will be something that each and every INMATE will use in 2013.  Actually, you will all use it multiple times for years to come.  But, that's all you get for now.

$20 at door gets you $1,000 in chips and every $250 in chips gets you a raffle ticket.  Just like last year, we have some great raffle prizes - gift certificates, LBB contraband, a one-of-a-kind bartender's briefcase and the grand prize is a fucking 1080p flat screen tv.

So, come hang out with your fellow INMATES on a night that's dedicated just to you.  We will partake in gambling while drinking way too much.  At midnight, we will watch the ball drop (something that Justin Bieber only wishes he could say).  Tell your friends, dress to impress and get ready to have a great time.  See you there.

Face Erased?

Two nights ago The Lifer was enjoying some beverages with his wife at The Back 9 - a bar in Addison.  Throughout the night, a guy named Phillip Byrd was hanging around The Lifer's table.  Apparently, this guy is a regular at The Back 9 and he is also in the service industry.  Although Phillip had never met anyone in The Lifer's group, that didn't stop him from buying several drinks and shots for everyone. 

Several hours into the drinking festivities, The Lifer happened to notice that Phillip was lurking suspiciously close to Mrs. Lifer's purse.  The Lifer did not see Phillip's hands on the purse, but either way, something seemed strange.  And at that exact moment, Phillip noticed The Lifer was staring at him and quickly offered to buy a round of shots.  Little did The Lifer know that this seemingly polite gesture was a nothing more than a distraction.

Accepting the offer, The Lifer headed to the bar.  But Phillip made a beeline to the bathroom first.  The Lifer's spidey senses alerted him and he quickly told Mrs. Lifer to check her purse.  Immediately, she noticed that her wallet was missing.  And it was right then that The Lifer went into full bore Bruce Banner mode. 

The Lifer kicked open the bathroom door and saw Phillip at the sink washing his thieving little hands.  "You fucking @#$%*%!," The Lifer said.  Phillip tried to talk smack, but before he could form a complete sentence, The Lifer grabbed the piece of shit by the throat with his left hand and unleashed a haymaker with his right hand that lifted Phillip several inches off the ground.

Falling hard onto the bathroom tile, Phillip was already seeing stars.  The Lifer pounced on top of Mr. Byrd and began to reenact the 1991 LAPD/Rodney King incident.  One after another, the left and right punches relentlessly pelleted Phillip's face with the tenacity of the infamous honey badger.
 

Eventually, some of The Lifer's friends were able to pull him off of Phillip, but by that point, Phillip's face was spewing blood.  The bar's security searched Phillip and found the wallet tucked into the back of his pants (just like a waiter tucks their leather into their pants when working).  Mr. Byrd was taken outside and sat on the curb waiting for the arrival of Addison's finest.

By this point, Mrs. Lifer was pissed.  So, she went outside and proceeded to tell Phillip her thoughts about the situation.  The Lifer walked outside just in time to hear Phillip call Mrs. Lifer a bitch.  That's right, even after getting his face decimated erased this guy was still running his mouth.  And he was so woozy, he couldn't even stand up.  But, without hesitating, The Lifer raised his steel toe motorcycle boot and stomped Phillip in head (think of the "THIS IS SPARTA" scene from the movie 300 and you'll understand the technique used by The Lifer).  Well, that knocked Phillip over just in time for the police to arrive, place him in handcuffs and take him to jail.

Since the incident, I have been trying to locate Mr. Phillip Byrd online, so that we can blast his image to all the INMATES.  There is a facebook profile for a Phillip Byrd, but it's not this guy.  This piece of shit works in the industry but he is not an INMATE.  Well, actually, I suppose he is an inmate now because he's in Lew Sterrett jail in Dallas County.  But you know what I mean. 

On a side note, INMATE Alexis Rolon had her wallet stolen from The Back 9 just two weeks before this incident, and from what I've heard, Phillip was in the bar that night as well.  I'm not a mathematician, but I can put two and two together. 



   

Rock N Shot Comedy Tour

Just got off the phone with The Warden.  Another hour plus phone conversation.  I talk more on the phone to The Warden and The Lifer than anyone else, even my girlfriend.  Anyway, The Warden is hard at work right now doing his graphic design thing.  LBB has been speaking to a few different liquor companies recently about sponsorship.  One of the companies would like us to create a short video that conveys our message and our goals.  This video will be played for the decision makers of said liquor company in hopes of LBB receiving some financial backing in 2012.

One of the big goals The Parole Board has for the upcoming year is to take the Rock N Shot Comedy Show nationwide, thus becoming the Rock N Shot Comedy Tour.  We already have INMATES in numerous cities wells that are willing to help facilitate this.  The plan is to take one band and comedian from Dallas on the road with us and fill the other spots with local talent from each city well.  The only obstacle standing in our way is money.  And that's where we turn to the sponsors.  

The deadline for the video is right around the corner.  Thus far, negotiations with this liquor company have been painless.  I hope the trend continues.  Either way, we will know sometime in January whether or not this particular company will be part of the tour. 

For now, we just need to focus on delivering a quality video.  Thankfully The Warden is a creative genius when it comes to visual arts because we have a lot riding on this.  If The Lifer and I were forced to create the video on our own, it would have the production quality comparable to that of the music videos my six year old daughter makes with her Fisher Price camcorder.

      

 

INMATE Expansion

I've been doing some research on the states that have a LBB following.  Below is a map that reflects the states where there are INMATES.  I am really impressed by this because our only form of advertising is word-of-mouth. 

We also have INMATES in Canada, Germany, Italy and Australia.  So, I want to give a shout-out to the INMATES for helping Life Behind Bars expand. Toast!

Welcome

I plan on using this blog to give INMATES some insight into my thoughts and more of a behind-the-scenes of what goes on with Life Behind Bars.  The Parole Board has a lot going on right now and I want to document the growth of the company.  So, I will post updates, stories and various things pertaining to Life Behind Bars and also interject some other thoughts along the way.