2013 LBB State of the Union

 

Lately many people have been asking me about Life Behind Bars.  Specifically, I get asked how things are going, what new concepts are on the horizon, are there any events coming up, etc.  All of which are great questions that I feel are deserving of a detailed answer.  So, this is my attempt to explain the current status of LBB.  Think of this as a State of the Union address for Life Behind Bars if you will (Props to The Warden for the graphics above).

As most of you reading this already know, The Parole Board has a lot of big ideas to help unify the service industry.  After all, that's the entire concept behind LBB.  One of our biggest goals as company has been to create our own website.  Certainly we love using the Facebook group page to bring the INMATES together.  But, that's not how we want to operate perpetually.  Having our own website means we are not confined to set rules and parameters regarding content and design; we will only be limited by our creativity.

For a long time now, The Parole Board has been working on our website.  Over a year ago, we hired someone to create the site and we even managed to get the site in limited Beta mode.  I'd like to take this moment to give a shout-out to a few INMATES that were willing to help The Parole Board Beta test the website.  Those individuals are:  Marcus L. Rogers, Danielle Pirtle, Patrick Zimmerman, Skylar Rain and Brian Peritore.  From the beginning, they have been very supportive of LBB.  They have helped generate a lot of wonderful ideas, concepts and buzz for The Parole Board.  So, while I might be going off on a tangent here, I think it's warranted to give these INMATES their props.  Thank you, seriously.  You guys are awesome.

So, as I was saying, we began Beta testing the site and through that process, came up with a lot of great ideas.  However, the issue then became that, with those new ideas our website developer needed more money to implement them.  A lot more money actually. 

We then decided to throw an INMATE Riot (party) to help raise some extra capital for the website.  In fact, we've thrown a few Riots and continue to sell LBB contraband (merchandise) to raise capital for the website.  However, despite our efforts, we still need more money.  Building a website is a lot more expensive than I ever knew.  Too bad I wasn't born in India; I'd have this website development shit on lockdown.  But, alas, I was born in Indiana.  Which means I know as much about website development as an Indian knows about snow shoes and corn fields.  And by Indian, I mean Slurpee not Casino.  It's ok to laugh at that reference, it's funny.

Anyway, we are tired of raising a little money, but not enough to take LBB to the next level.  We need a website as it will be the central hub that everything else branches out from.  But, what does this all mean?  Well, it means that in order to get the website The Parole Board wants, we are going to have to look to outside financing.  Which is exactly what we have been doing.  Side note - our website is up and running, but it's a static site.  Soon it will be highly interactive.  In case you haven't been to the site yet, here's the link: http://www.lifebehindbarsisthebomb.com/LifeBehindBars/INMATES.html

We have spoken with numerous potential investors over the past few years.  There is a lot in interest in investing in LBB, which is a good thing.  But, the issue that we have constantly encountered is that all savvy investors want to see a business plan.  Actually, that's not the issue, the issue is that no one on The Parole Board has the slightest clue how to construct a legitimate business plan.  We have tried to create one on our own and it ended up looking like a project completed by the local elementary school.  And so, there we were with our concept and our potential investors, but without a business plan to bridge the gap.

                         
 
Well, that has all changed.  The Parole Board is good friends with a fellow INMATE that just so happens to write and review business plans for a living.  Not sure if he wants to be mentioned by name, so for now, let's call him Dre.  Dre is an accountant for a very successful firm.  He handles mergers and acquisitions for said firm.  What does that mean?  Well I am glad you asked that.   I'll tell you what it means.  It means he's a badass.  And, get this, best of all, he's one of us.  Not only have we been friends since way back in the day; he's also been in the service industry, but like me, he's now a daywalker.  But that doesn't mean he has forgotten his roots.  Dre has been helping us concoct a really impressive business plan and pretty soon, we are FINALLY going to have something we can show investors in order to get the much needed capital that will help us launch the LBB website. 

To all those that have wondered why it's taken so long to reach the next level, I hope this State of the Union address helped you better understand things.  We are getting close, very close.  Stay tuned for more details.
       

Man vs. Booze

Move out of the way Adam Richman because The Lifer has taken your food challenges to a new level.  Last year, to celebrate 11/11/11, The Lifer decided to take 11 shots of Rumplemintz at 11 p.m.  Yes, that's right, 11 shots of Rumple all within the time span of about two minutes.  And get this, afterwards, he still had to bartend for over 3 hours. 

Well, today is 12/12/12 and in attempt to entice The Lifer to down 12 shots of Rumple at midnight, The Warden went deep into the LBB vault to find the incredible video footage from last year.  If you haven't seen this yet, you won't believe your eyes.  And if you've seen it before, you'll be just as impressed as you were the first time.  Have a look...

                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqiPDkIEF94

Unfortunately, The Lifer has proclaimed that he will not succumb to the pressure of taking 12 shots tonight.  Apparently, his liver retired shortly after the video was made and The Lifer is now a Type 2 Diabetic.  Call us selfish, but The Warden and I till think he should top last year's feat.  Perhaps with enough comments to the video on our YouTube channel, Life Behind Bars News, he will accept the challenge.   

Staying Connected

INMATES - just wanted to make sure that you all have The Parole Boards contact information.  With so many ways to stay connected, here's how you can reach us:


The Lifer

• Email:     thelifer@lbbinmate.com
• Twitter:  @scuba74

The Warden

• Email:    thewarden@lbbinmate.com
• Twitter:  @anthonycmorel  / @thewarden_LBB

The Lawyer

• Email:    thelawyer@lbbinmate.com
• Twitter:  @thelawyer_LBB

If you haven't been to the LBB website, you can find it here - lifebehindbarsisthebomb.com.  You can also email any questions, suggestions or comments to info@lbbinmate.com.

Toast.

Guess Who's Back?

Well, it's been a while.  Too long, some might say.  But please believe that still waters run deep and despite the lack of updates on the Life Behind Bars blog, The Parole Board has been busy.  Actually busy doesn't adequately describe what has been going on behind the scenes.  And that is exactly why this blog needs to be resurrected.

I just left a Parole Board meeting with The Lifer and The Warden and wanted to take a few minutes to let the INMATES know what's on the horizon.  Many of you might be aware that the Life Behind Bars teaser video premiered at the Magnolia Theater recently.  For those of you that aren't in the know, the LBB teaser is a short video that serves as a preview for our upcoming project (below are a few screen shots from the video).

The Parole Board is really excited about the teaser video because we are finally turning a decade long project into a reality.  We have been working on a script for a show about Life Behind Bars for years.    Taking notes during and after bar shifts since the start of the new millennium, the plan from day one has been to create a show that details the lives of INMATES by taking an authentic look into the service industry lifestyle.  The show will feature several unique characters each complete with their own struggles from balancing bartending with working in the corporate world, to dealing with relationship problems, to just trying to make ends meet, all while living one shot at a time.  Life Behind Bars the show will serve as an insider look at life in the service industry and will have an Entourage-esque vibe. 

We are currently putting together the final pieces before we commence our global campaign to raise enough capital to complete the project.  As of now, we have a lot of prospects and many interested investors.  However, before we can go down that path, we have a little more housekeeping matters to attend to.  But, don't fret, we will keep you in the loop and just in case you missed the premiere of the teaser video, you'll get a chance to see it very soon.

Until next time...

- The Lawyer  

Meeting Adjourned

Just had a multi-hour Parole Board meeting and I don't think I've ever been this excited about LBB before.  Things are coming together rather nicely for the company.  The website is almost ready.  Well, at least on the functionality side - which is the hard part.  Making the site look visually appealing will be easy.  We have The Warden for that. 

We have a phone conference with our website designer tomorrow night.  The purpose of the call is to discuss the status of the changes we asked him to make to the site.  From what I can tell, he has already made most of the changes.  I like the way the site works.  It's pretty easy to navigate and once the last few changes are made, it will be very user-friendly.

Anyway, the now that site is nearing the point where we can release it, we have a lot of new ideas.  The website is going to open a lot of doors for LBB.  Because of the site, we are going to be able to do things that just weren't possible before.  And tonight, The Parole Board came up with some really great ideas in our brainstorming session.  We got great use out of our white boards tonight. 

We discussed our ideas for marketing LBB and the most effective ways to recruit new INMATES.  That is a big topic for us.  The plan is to unite the service industry.  Not to just unite the service industry in Dallas.  Or just in Texas.  We want LBB to be global.  After all, the more INMATES we have, the more we can give back to the industry.

The Parole Board also talked about the various forms of media and entertainment we plan on venturing into.  Since day one, Life Behind Bars was an idea for sharing stories through a book and also a movie.  Well, those ideas have never gone away.  We left them on the back burner until the timing was right.  And although it's not quite that time just yet, we are getting a lot closer to venturing not only down those paths, but also into some areas that we never even considered years ago. 

Also, I had a phone conversation with someone today regarding investing in the company.  This person, who shall remain nameless for the time being, seems like a good person to have on your team.  I have been in communication with him over the past several months, but very sporadically.  Today though, was the first time we spoke at length and he is very interested in LBB.  Now The Parole Board has some work to do in order to present our thoughts to him on what it will take to get LBB to the next level, but we very well might have met the person that can make it happen. 

I would definitely say the LBB stock is on the rise.  With the ideas and dedication of The Parole Board plus the support of the INMATES...well, be ready for some great things to happen in 2012.  So INMATES, here's to all of us, as Life Behind Bars is just as much yours as it is ours.  Toast!   

Going Viral?

At approximately 4:50 p.m. this afternoon I received a phone call from The Warden.  He informed me that Life Behind Bars was just mentioned on the Russ Martin Show.  Not even a minute later, The Lifer was on the phone reciting the news. 

I have been listening to the Russ Martin Show since I commuted to the University of North Texas in the late 90s.  I would gladly listen to Russ and Howard Stern all day if given the choice to do so.  Anyway, needless to say, I was pretty excited.

I didn't hear it live but I am going to download the podcast and check it out asap.  I don't even know what was said, other than a LBB reference.  And truthfully, I don't care if it was good or bad.  It doesn't matter.  But what does matter is, we were mentioned on the Russ Martin Show which airs on 97.1 The Eagle (a big radio station in DFW).  It's publicity for LBB.  Thank you Russ.

I sent an email to the show's producer, Trey, briefly mentioning what LBB is.  I also attached a few articles out of the MOST WANTED List and the SPOTTED List for him to read.  I thought he might find them amusing.  Who knows, maybe one day we can get everyone on the show to take a Face Eraser shot with us.

So, TOAST to the first time LBB was ever mentioned on the radio. 

More Money, MORE Problems?

I had a conversation with The Lifer tonight that was rather entertaining.  The first part of the call was strictly business.  We were discussing numerous details about the upcoming event.  It seems The Parole Board will not be getting much sleep in the next few days! 

The last minutes of the call were spent laughing about how broke we are because of LBB.  You see, each one of us on The Parole Board puts in a lot of money, time and effort into the company.  To say that we are passionate about LBB would be an vast understatement.    

At times, we all question whether we are going to be able to get LBB off the ground as we envision.  We never did start this to make money.  The original idea was just to share some stories.  That's been the plan for years.  But, since the formation of the facebook group, things have accelerated faster than any of us could believe.  The growth in popularity has pushed us creatively and allowed us to conjure up some great concepts/ideas for the future (in my opinion).  However, in order to take LBB where we want to go, we will definitely need money.

So, there have been several instances during The Parole Board's daily meetings where at least one of us mentions the fact that we need more money to take LBB to the next level.  We know we are on the right path, but it's a difficult one.  This is not a company funded by investors.  There is no bank loan.  And we aren't wealthy individuals.  In fact, we are all broke.  And we are putting in a lot of hours into the company.  I know that I am personally putting in about 30 hours a week in LBB related work.  I would say The Lifer and The Warden each work at least that much on the company also.  This is, of course, in addition to our other jobs.

Without a steady cash flow we will never be able to start our non-profit organization (charity).  We want to create a charity that will help raise money to pay for living expenses of INMATES that are injured/sick and cannot work.  Most INMATES, if they aren't working, don't have a way to pay bills - the plan is to help them out.  Maybe we won't be able to pay too much to each individual person, or maybe you have to work a certain number of hours per week to qualify, but some assistance is better than nothing.  We don't have all the details worked out yet, but what we do know is that if the Screen Actors Guild offers catastrophic insurance for actors, INMATES should have something similar.  We also know that it takes money to run a charity.     

Anyway, the point is, we have a lot of ideas that will help benefit the service industry but without money, none of those will happen.  This was discussed in tonight's conversation with The Lifer.  We laughed about how much we work for nothing.  Running LBB is akin to unrequited love because we all love LBB despite the company not showing us much love in return.  Each dollar we make goes back into the company with what seems like $4 or $5 of our own money!  The Lifer said in jest that he's so broke he can't even afford to replace his old ragged boxers so he's just going to have to start wearing the LBB boyshorts.  That proceeded to start us down a path of laughing so much that my stomach hurt.  And we ended up the call on a positive note. 

Anyway, I'm not even sure what the point of this article is.  I do know that the best part about running a business with two other people that are as dedicated as you is, knowing that every minute I spend working on LBB, my business partners are doing the same thing.  And I can promise you this, the fact that the INMATES have been so supportive of the company helps motivate The Parole Board to work even harder.  Accomplishing our goals means every single person that has supported LBB will benefit and have fun along the way. Toast! 

The Laptop Situation

Wednesday was a scary time for The Parole Board.  As I stated in a previous post, we have been working on a video that details what Life Behind Bars is all about.  This video will be presented to a major liquor company in hopes of getting funding in 2012 to help expand LBB.  Needless to say, there is a lot riding on this. 

[The Warden]

So there I am at work, drinking my coffee and editing some pictures that are going into the video. I start to notice that my track pad wasn’t cooperating with me. When I would try to click on something it would act like I was holding the clicker down and would drag stuff as I was moving the pad. This was really making it hard for me to flow through my creative ideas and it was pissing me off! It slowly grew worse till my clicker didn’t work at all.  So now I have no clicker and a deadline to meet with the LBB promo video.  There was only one thing to do, drop everything and go to the apple store…to the LBB mobile!

It was approximately 10:00 a.m. and I had just sat down at my desk to commence working.  Before I could even enjoy my morning coffee, I received a phone call from The Warden about an issue.   He said that the track pad on his Mac wasn't functioning properly.  The track pad (for those of you wondering) is the little square on a MacBook laptop that serves as the mouse.  He said that he was going to the Apple store to have them look at it.  Although the entire contents of the video and the software needed to complete the video were on the laptop, I wasn't too concerned about the situation as it was just the track pad malfunctioning.  Or so I thought.

So now I have taken my lunch break a little early to go to the mall, right before Christmas, and hang out in the most populated store, the Apple store.  I make my appointment with the Genius Bar and this little kid comes out to help me.  This kid looked like Peter Parker and acted like PeeWee Herman.  They asked me what the problem was.  I explained and then they ran some tests.  The kid said that the track pad wasn’t working (no shit) and that my Mac is no longer under warranty.  He explained and that I would have to buy a mouse for $40 or I can replace the track pad for $80. 

He got a mouse and plugged it in only to find out that the mouse wasn’t clicking either…WTF?!  So, PeeWee Parker took my Mac back into the back to run more test.  When he came out he said that for the mouse to work, they would have to shut off the track pad completely.  I agreed for him to turn the track pad off and send me on my way.  Knowing that I had a bluetooth mouse back at home that I could go and get, I headed that way so I could start using my Mac and get back to the LBB video.

After lunch, I spoke with The Warden about the laptop and things had not improved.  He tried to inform me what was going on, but when it comes to computer stuff, I don't speak the lingo very well.  All I gathered from the conversation was the computer was still not working and The Warden was headed back to the Apple store. 

I get home, grab my mouse and start to sync my mouse up to my laptop.  But, I can’t use my track pad so I can’t hook up my mouse.  I then realize that I have to go back to the Apple store to use a mouse to get this hooked up.  I hop in my ride and head back.  When I get there I don’t even talk to anyone, I just go up to a Mac that has a mouse, unplug the mouse and plug it into mine.  I set up my bluetooth mouse then I jet!

The Warden calls me and says that he just left the Apple store and all systems were go.  Immediately it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me as the fate of our company is riding squarely on this video.  Things are good, I finally relax.  At least for a little while. 

I went to go and visit some of my INMATES up at Social 121 to drop off some bar keys.  When I got there they handed me a shot of Rumple and my normal Stoli and soda.  So I decide to grab my Mac and do a little work at the bar.  When I open up my computer and get it going I soon find out that my keyboard does not work at all.  So now I am stuck with a Mac that has a functioning mouse but I can’t type anything or use any of my commands.  

I left work around 6:15 p.m. and got a call from The Warden.  Guess what?!  He was going back to the Apple store.  That makes a hat-trick of trips to Apple in one day.  I began to wonder if I was being punked.  But, there was no Ashton Kutcher.  Nor were there any camera crews popping out of nowhere like Vietcong soldiers in 'Nam.  Oh no.  And just like plot of The Blair Witch Project, the laptop situation grew worse with each passing minute. 

In fact, the status of the laptop situation was elevated to code red.  The Warden and I were doing our best to keep our composure.  However, all I could focus on was that of all the times for a computer to act up, it happens a few days before the biggest deadline of our lives.  With that in mind, The Warden returned to the Apple store while I waited on pins and needles for an update.

I take the shot, suck the Stoli and soda down, jump in my ride and head back to the Apple store (AGAIN) before they close.  Luckily, once at the Apple store, they were able to get my keyboard functioning properly.  I'm not sure what time I ended up leaving, but I do know that I spent my whole day dealing with the laptop situation - three trips to the Apple store during the busiest shopping season of the year left me in serious need of alcohol.  I called The Lawyer and let him know that we are good and that I'd meet him at the bar in 15 minutes. 

I got the call around 8:00 p.m. and The Warden said that finally, everything was working properly.  I let out a huge sigh of relief.  That past two hours were spent wondering how we were going to explain the mishap to the liquor company and questioning whether or not they'd be understaning and, more importanly, wondering if they would still give us a chance to redeem ourselves.  Anyway, I could tell by the sound in his voice that the laptop situation rendered The Warden weak and in critical need of rumple.  We made plans to meet at a bar and drink the day into oblivion.  Never a dull moment for The Parole Board.     

Perks of the Job

One of the best perks of running Life Behind Bars is meeting so many great people.  The INMATES are awesome.  And when it comes to drinking, they throw down.  On Wednesday night, The Warden and I planned to visit a few INMATES at their bars. 

We started at Whiskey Cake in Plano around 8:00 p.m.  Joanna Howard was bartending and The Warden and I began drinking face eraser shots (mind eraser - sub rumple for vodka).  After a couple of those, we proceeded into Addison.  The first stop once we were there was The Muckey Duck (formerly Zen).  Justin Foster was behind the bar, which always makes for an amusing bar experience.  For those of you that aren't in the know, Justin is a comedian.  Naturally, we had several laughs.  And, another face eraser. 

After that, we headed over to Champps to see Alexis Rolon.  She proceeded to buy us another face eraser.  She's cool like that.  Another INMATE, Skylar Rain, who is new to LBB, met us at Champps.  Unfortunately, I cannot recall whether or not he had a face eraser.  I know that he had a shot, but my memory fails me as to what kind of shot it was.  Or, perhaps it's not so much the memory failing as the alcohol working.

The next stop was Dukes Original Roadhouse, where the Mendoza sisters were working.  A large group of INMATES were rioting (partying) there, so we wanted to join in the festivities.  By the time we arrived, the party had already departed.  We spoke with Melissa Mendoza and she said the group relocated to The Back 9.  Shockingly, we didn't have a shot Dukes. 

The Back 9 was the last stop of the evening, where INMATE Michael "Lucky" Peters was tending bar.  When The Warden and I strolled through the door, there were approximately 20 INMATES boozing it up.  It's hard to describe the atmosphere, but picture some kind of reunion party, where people haven't seen each other in a long time.  That's a perfect excuse to drink excessively and act a fool.  The only thing is, the INMATES see each other all the time!  The INMATES just know how to have a great time..night after night.  And they wasted no time buying us shots so that we could partake in those reindeer games. 

Before I knew it, everyone was feeling toasty and crazy shit was happening.  The Warden was absolutely smashed and walking around with a scarf covering his face, thus giving a new meaning to face eraser; Danille Pirtle was asked to leave because she couldn't keep her head up, so we had to carry her to a car so she could sleep; Alexis and I were judging a bikini contest; and AJ Hammel passed out, pissed himself and was surrounded by people in panda bear costumes.  All in all, it was a great night.  I love the INMATES! 

Rock N Shot Comedy Tour

Just got off the phone with The Warden.  Another hour plus phone conversation.  I talk more on the phone to The Warden and The Lifer than anyone else, even my girlfriend.  Anyway, The Warden is hard at work right now doing his graphic design thing.  LBB has been speaking to a few different liquor companies recently about sponsorship.  One of the companies would like us to create a short video that conveys our message and our goals.  This video will be played for the decision makers of said liquor company in hopes of LBB receiving some financial backing in 2012.

One of the big goals The Parole Board has for the upcoming year is to take the Rock N Shot Comedy Show nationwide, thus becoming the Rock N Shot Comedy Tour.  We already have INMATES in numerous cities wells that are willing to help facilitate this.  The plan is to take one band and comedian from Dallas on the road with us and fill the other spots with local talent from each city well.  The only obstacle standing in our way is money.  And that's where we turn to the sponsors.  

The deadline for the video is right around the corner.  Thus far, negotiations with this liquor company have been painless.  I hope the trend continues.  Either way, we will know sometime in January whether or not this particular company will be part of the tour. 

For now, we just need to focus on delivering a quality video.  Thankfully The Warden is a creative genius when it comes to visual arts because we have a lot riding on this.  If The Lifer and I were forced to create the video on our own, it would have the production quality comparable to that of the music videos my six year old daughter makes with her Fisher Price camcorder.