And The Winner Is...

The Parole Board wants to thank all the musicians that participated in the Battle of the Bands event on September 30 at the Gas Monkey.  We had one hell of a good time and got to enjoy some really great music.  Of course, the event would not have been successful if it wasn't for all the INMATES that showed up to party with us.  So, TOAST to all of you that made the event so amazing.

And, let's not forgot that a champion was crowned that evening.  A very special congratulations goes to Kendall Beard and the Whiskey Rebellion Band for winning the Battle of the Bands event.  You might remember Kendall from American Idol.  Well, she's continuing to grow in popularity and her talent seems to be endless.  Great job to you and your band Kendall.  The Parole Board is looking forward to working with you on our film.  

Here are a few other pictures from the Battle of the Bands event.  It was a great night.  Also, remember, the LBB Documentary Film Red Carpet Event is coming up soon.  More details will be announced soon.  

Attention all INMATES!

Attention all INMATES, The Parole Board has a special message for you.  It's time to rally for one of our own.  Danielle "Dani" Klein, a fellow INMATE, has been diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome, which is an extremely rare disorder that causes your immune system to attack your nerves.  The initial sign of Guillain-Barre Syndrome is a tingling and weakness in your extremities which can eventually lead to the paralyzation of the entire body.  As of right now, there is no known cure for the disorder.  However, with treatment, the symptoms can be eased.

For those of you who don't know Dani, she has been an INMATE for nearly two decades.  She's also married to Big Bill Escanlar, an INMATE icon.  But, with the onset of the disorder, it's been extremely difficult for Dani to continue working as a bar manager and bartender at Del Frisco's in Ft. Worth.  However, she doesn't sit around feeling sorrow for herself.  Instead, she puts her focus on staying positive and taking care of her three amazing daughters.  Dani's courage, strength and positive outlook is truly inspirational.

In order to help raise money for Dani and her family, there's going to be an event held in her honor on Tuesday, October 21, 2014 at The Back 9 in Addison, Texas.  There will be $2.00 wells all night long and also a live auction to help raise money.  Please come out and help show your support for one of our own.  If you can't make it out, you can still help by donating money online here and also on the LBB website.  Keep your head up Dani, we are here for you.  TOAST!

Battle of the Bands

Attention all INMATES, it's that time!  Poor the drinks.  Turn down the lights.  And cue Michael Buffer...

Join The Parole Board this Tuesday night, September 30, 2014 at 7:00 p.m. at the Gas Monkey in Dallas for a Battle Royale of the music variety.  Come watch as four musical acts compete for a chance to have one of their songs featured in the upcoming Life Behind Bars movie.  And as if that wasn't enough, the winning musical act will also get a trip to Cancun, Mexico!  The four musical acts are (in no particular order):

1. Kendall Beard;
2. A Life In Arms Reach;
3. Generation Wasted; and
4. Evening Crowd.

Plus there will be a special performance from Matthew JC and the Allstars Band!  

But a winner can't be declared without the INMATES casting their votes.  So, come ready to sip some tasty cocktails, listen to the great music and exercise your right to vote.  You can buy presale tickets for the Battle of the Bands events here for the discounted price of $5.00.  All presale tickets will be available for pickup the night of the event at will call.  Just make sure you bring your ID. 

Also, the Life Behind Bars film crew will be live on location during the event to capture footage for the upcoming movie and to interview INMATES that are in attendance.  Does the camera love you?  If so, you might just find yourself making a cameo in our movie.  

 TOAST!   

White Board Session

The Parole Board wants to send a special shout-out to the INMATES that attended the White Board Sessions event.  The purpose of the event was to keep the INMATES updated with our plan for the upcoming LBB Documentary film and to also get ideas and feedback from the INMATES regarding what they'd like to see in the film.  We had a good turnout, despite the bad weather; and more importantly, we had a great brainstorming session with the INMATES that attended.  Many scenarios, concepts and impressions where exchanged.

The White Board Sessions event marked the end of our pre-production phase.  We are now moving on to the production phase, which is really excited.  This is when the real fun begins.  Of course, we will keep you updated as things develop.  The red carpet premier of the film will occur on Wednesday evening, November 19, 2014 at Club 8 in Dallas.  Please mark this date on your calendar as it will be an event you won't want to miss.

Thank you again to the INMATES that attended the White Board Sessions event.  As always, LBB would be nothing without the dedication and support from the INMATES.  With this film, we plan to show the rest of the world what we already know - life in the service industry is like nothing else you'll ever experience.  TOAST!

Life Behind Bars...The Film

The Parole Board has been working on a film project for a number of years.  Most INMATES are aware of this as we have eluded to this project occasionally over the years.  In fact, last year, we released a teaser-trailer for the film and received a lot of positive feedback and interest. 
                      
Although things may appear to have gone radio-silent with respect to the film, rest assured that still waters run deep.  Behind the scenes, The Parole Board has been involved with meeting after meeting in order to bring the film to completion.  Meetings with production companies, directors, lawyers, distribution companies, sponsors and investors seem to consume the majority of our days. But, this is a good thing as it means we are moving in the right direction. 

The film's concept is centered around the service industry life in Dallas, Texas. We will follow around, interview and document the lives of certain Dallas INMATES. Particularly, the film will focus on INMATES that fall into one of three categories: 1) lifers, 2) daywalkers and 3) daydreamers.  The idea is to show the world who we, as INMATES, truly are.

We are about to finish up the pre-production phase of the film and begin the production phase.  This is where you, the INMATES, come into play.  We would like to get feedback, ideas, thoughts, questions, comments and suggestions about the film.  This film is for the INMATES and thus, your thoughts are important to us. 

Therefore, next Monday, May 12, 2014 we would like to invite you to join The Parole Board at Club 8 (2645 Lyndon B Johnson Fwy, Dallas, TX 75234) for a White Board Session gathering.  We will start the event at 5:00 p.m. with drinks and give INMATES a chance to socialize with one another.  Thereafter, we will explain to you more about the film and what our vision is.  After that, we will open up the floor to you so that you can ask questions and give us input about what you'd like to see in the film. 

After the White Board Session gathering, we are going to being the production phase of the film.  Here is a general schedule of the upcoming events leading to the release of the film itself later this year:

• May 12, 2014 - White Board Session at Club 8
• June 1, 2014 - Pool Party/Filming Launch at Club 8
• July 2014 - Mixology Riot
• August 2014 - Comedy Riot featuring Justin Foster
• September 24, 2014 - Battle of the Bands Riot at Gas Monkey
• October 2014 - 86 Breast Cancer Scavenger Hunt
• November 19, 2014 - Red Carpet Movie Premier at Club 8

As we work out more of the details for these events, we will update you.  We hope to see you all at the White Board Session next Monday.  TOAST!

CALLING ALL INMATES

Occasionally I hear a story that breaks my heart while at the same time completely infuriates me.  I am about to share one such story with you now. 

On January 5, 2014, 69 year old Dallas resident Luis Rocha was brutally attacked leaving a Campisi's restaurant after picking up a to go order.  Mr. Rocha was not looking to start a fight that evening.  Nor was he running his mouth acting like an asshole.  Nope.  Not even close.  All he did was order a pizza and on the way back to his car, 3 dickless, spineless, complete wastes-of-sperm pricks decided to beat Mr. Rocha nearly to death. 

Mr. Rocha suffered broken back, broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken clavicle, a broken scapula and a shattered jaw as a result of what these fucking douchebags did to him.  What makes the entire incident perplexing is that Mr. Rocha's iPod, wallet, keys and other valuables were untouched.  So, it appears that the 3 fucktards decided to unleash a beating on an elderly man for no real reason. 

Mr. Rocha's son, Lou, has been an INMATE for 25 years.  So, naturally, other INMATES are rising up to show support for Mr. Rocha.  The Parole Board is asking that all INMATES come to The Back 9 in Addison tomorrow evening for a fund raiser for Mr. Rocha.   The event begins at 9:00pm and there will be $3.00 Wells, Calls and Domestics and $3.50 Crown & Down for all INMATES.  Also, there will be a bikini contest.  So, bring your wallets to help donate money for the Rocha family and prepare to have a good time while helping out a great man.

The police are still looking for the individuals that assaulted Mr. Rocha.  If you have any information about the incident, please contact the Dallas Police Department at 214-671-3001.    And, if those Tommy Toughnut mother fuckers that assaulted Mr. Rocha happen to read this blog, please contact The Parole Board.  We have baseball bats, 12" survival knives, assault rifles, countless pistols, an axe, a sledgehammer, thousands of rounds and a Hulk (aka The Lifer).  So, if you want to tango, I'm your Huckleberry.

Commencing the Countdown

T-minus 32 hours until the 2014 New Years Rock N Shot Comedy Show.  By now, most of you already know about this event.  But, in case you don't know, please read the previous post on the LBB blog.  Anyway, The Parole Board is putting the finishing touches on a few final items as we gear up for another great party to welcome in the new year.

We hope to see all of you at Trees tomorrow night.  We have some really great comedians and musicians lined up.  The booze will flow like wine.  The women will instincively flock to the event like the salmon of Capistrano.  Good times for all shall be had.  Don't miss out, or you'll hear all the great stories about what you missed and you'll end up counting down the days until 2015.

It's That Time Again

So, here we are, in the middle of another holiday season.  And you know what that means, Christmas music playing everywhere you go, spending time with the in-laws, last minute gift buying for people you really don't give a shit about, lying to our children about an overweight man that breaks into our homes and eats our pastries, and of course, welcoming in the new year. 

 

Unfortunately, most of the INMATES have to work on New Year's Eve.  While millions of daywalkers raise their glasses and toast to all the possibilities that lie ahead, the INMATES, much like Rudolph, don't get to partake in those reindeer games.  Sure, you might have a shot, or two, or three; but you are still working and watching others actually having fun.   

But, in case you are new to Life Behind Bars, The Parole Board came up with a way to solve this yearly dilemma.  Each year, on January 1, we rewind the clocks and give the INMATES their own New Year's Eve party.  This year, we will be welcoming in 2014 at Trees in Dallas, Texas. The past two years, our new year's parties were casino theme events. This year, we are changing it up a little bit  



In case you missed out on the 2011 Rock N Shot Comedy Show, let me explain the concept.  Here's the recipe:

• 1 stage;
• 3 parts extremely funny comedians;
• 3 parts talented musical acts;
• 1 DJ;
• Hundreds of INMATES; and
• An endless supply of booze.

When you mix all those together; voilà, you have the Rock N Shot Comedy Show.   The comedians and the musical acts alternate performances throughout the evening.  Drink prices will be extremely cheap thanks to the owners of Trees, Clint and Whitney Barlow (they are huge LBB supporters and always welcome INMATES in their establishment).  As midnight approaches, we will countdown from 10 to 1 and just like a 13 year old boy, the ball will drop.

You can buy tickets in advance on our website - www.lifebehindbars.net/  Tickets purchased by December 25, 2013 are $25 per person and $40 a couple.  Tickets purchased after December 25, 2013 are $30 per person and $50 per couple.

We've also contacted local hotels and made arrangements for reduced room prices that night.  Please contact Hotel Indigo (1933 Main Street, Dallas, Texas 75201) or Hyatt House Dallas (2914 Harry Hines Boulevard, Dallas, Texas 75201) for more information.  And to ensure that all INMATES riot responsibly, we have arranged for transportation to and from the hotels (more details on this will be announced closer to the event).

So, gather up your friends and mark your calendar. Doors open at 8:00 p.m. on Wednesday, January 1, 2014. You can dress to impress or dress like a mess. Either way is cool with us.

 

 

    

2013 Hottest Bartender Update

The Parole Board wants to say congratulations to Courtney Ellis, winner of the 2013 Blitz Weekly Hottest Bartender contest.  It's really no surprise that she won first place.  But, for those that might have missed out, let me present Exhibit A...

 "Umm, yes, I'll have a Jameson with a Courtney back please.  Or front." 



 

Again, congratulations to Courtney and thank you to all the INMATES that voted for her.  Toast!

INMATES...It's Time To Rally

I just found out some bad news about three INMATES.  Melissa Mendoza, Ashley Mendoza and Bryan Kerley's house was recently destroyed in a fire.  They lost everything they owned.  Everything.

I know that in today's world of social media overload, it's practically a weekly occurrence to read or hear about someone else's misfortunes.  Because of that, it's easy to gloss over stories like this, unless you personally know the victim(s).  But, have you ever thought about how quickly life can change?  I'll admit it's not something I like to spend a lot of time thinking about.  However, once you understand that the future is not guaranteed, your appreciation for life will escalate tremendously.

So, take a moment to think about how screwed you'd be if you lost every single possession you owned.  What would you do?  Where would you live?  How would you replace your stuff?  And what about the irreplaceable stuff like pictures and keepsakes?  That would be absolutely terrible.

With that in mind, here's how you can help.  On Wednesday, August 28, 2013, The Hub Sports Bar and Grill (4145 Belt Line Road, Addison, Texas 75001) is hosting a benefit to help raise money for these INMATES.  All tips and donations will be given to Melissa Mendoza, Ashley Mendoza and Bryan Kerley; to help rebuild their lives.   The benefit will start at 7:00 p.m. and there will be $3.00 wells and domestic beer for all INMATES.  Live acoustic music, from 9:00 p.m. to midnight, by Mark David Manders.  Oh yeah, and the Mendoza sisters and Bryan will be bartending the benefit that night.  For more information, click the link below...

https://www.facebook.com/events/1410810815800687/?ref=notif&notif_t=plan_user_invited

Come out next week, have some drinks, listen to some good music and contribute what you can to the cause.  Even if you only have $5.00 to donate, every dollar helps.   Remember, one day it just might be you that needs help.  Toast!               

2013 Hottest Bartender Contest

Attention all INMATES, it's time for you to cast your vote for the 2013 Hottest Bartender.  The field has been narrowed down to 10 finalists.  The girl that gets the most votes by August 31, 2013, will be crowned Blitz Weekly's Hottest Bartender of 2013.

If you click the link below, you will be taken to the Blitz Weekly Facebook page.  From there, you can click the arrows on the left or right of the screen to scroll through the pictures of the finalists.  You can cast your vote by "liking" the picture of the girl you think is the hottest.

Blitz Weekly 2013 Hottest Bartender Contest (click here to vote)

Unfortunately, you aren't provided with any information about the contestants.  Personally, I think a  short bio about each of the finalists would be very helpful for the voters.  And remember, this competition is not just about being aesthetically pleasing, but also about being a true bartender.

And, while The Parole Board does not know each of the finalists, we do know one of them quite well.  Her name is Courtney Ellis.  Currently, Courtney works at the Concrete Cowboy in Dallas, Texas.  And since you might know anything about her, I want to take this opportunity to tell you about her.

Courtney is a true bartender.  She is the definition of an INMATE.  She wasn't just put behind a bar because she looks good.  Really, there's nothing worse than an attractive bartender that sucks at bartending.  If someone wanted to tip a hot girl with no job skills, said person would just to go a strip club.  But, that's not the case with Courtney.  She has great drink/shot knowledge, she can pack a bar with customers and she won't buckle under the pressure of being 10 deep at last call.  The Parole Board is voting for Courtney to win the 2013 Hottest Bartender Content and you should too...     

VOTE FOR COURTNEY (click here)

This message was approved by The Warden.  Toast.

A Fallen INMATE

Sadly, the service industry has suffered the loss of one of our own. INMATE Abraham Bonilla has fallen. Abraham was a beloved bar manager at Froggy's Boat House; located at 4400 White Settlement Road, Ft. Worth, TX 76114. There will be a benefit in his honor tomorrow, August 18, 2013, at Froggy's. All tips, door fees and donations will be used to help pay for Abraham's funeral costs. For more information, call Froggy's at 817-737-8550.

Rest In Peace Abraham. Toast.

Shift Shots?

Today an INMATE asked if it was illegal, in Texas, for employers and/or owners of a bar to drink on the premises of that bar.  This question generated a lot of comments and opinions about the legality of drinking at work.  I bet almost every INMATE has either consumed drinks while working or when at at work, but off the clock.  Surely this couldn't be illegal!  Could it?

I looked into this and I will now drop some knowledge for the INMATES.  I am sure the suspense is killing you, so I will cut right to the answer.  The short answer is NO, it is not illegal in Texas to drink at the place where you work.  I can hear the collective sigh of relief.  But, of course as anything with the law, it's not that simple.  Let me now direct you to Section 104.01 of the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Code...

Sec. 104.01. LEWD, IMMORAL, INDECENT CONDUCT. No person authorized to sell beer at retail, nor his agent, servant, or employee, may engage in or permit conduct on the premises of the retailer which is lewd, immoral, or offen­sive to public decency, including, but not limited to, any of the following acts:

1. the use of loud and vociferous or obscene, vulgar, or indecent lan­guage, or permitting its use;
2. the exposure of person or permitting a person to expose his person;
3. rudely displaying or permitting a person to rudely display a pistol or other deadly weapon in a manner calculated to disturb persons in the retail estab­lishment;
4. solicitation of any person to buy drinks for consumption by the retailer or any of his employees;
5. being intoxicated on the licensed premises;
6. permitting lewd or vulgar entertainment or acts;
7. permitting solicitations of persons for immoral or sexual purposes;
8. failing or refusing to comply with state or municipal health or sanitary laws or ordinances; or
9. possession of a narcotic or any equipment used or designed for the administering of a narcotic or permitting a person on the licensed premises to do so.

Subsection (5) states that it is illegal for an employee to be intoxicated on the premises of their cell (bar/restaurant/etc).  But, there is nothing in the code that prohibits you from drinking at work, whether you are on or off the clock.  So, there you have it, you can drink at your cell but just don't get hammeled (for those of you that are unaware of what "hammeled" means - please contact INMATE AJ Hammel). 

P.S. -  you might want to read the other subsections listed above because those too are illegal.  But good luck not using vulgar language on the job.   

 

 

Trademarks 101

Apparently it's time for a brief legal lesson.  I am sure most of you know what a trademark is, or have at least heard of that word before.  Same thing for copyrights and patents.  All three of those terms comprise what's known as IP (intellectual property) law. 

Trademarks are words, images, slogans and other indicators that help identify a brand.  You encounter trademarks hundreds, if not thousands, of times a day.  Starbucks, Apple, Target and McDonalds are just a few companies that have very distinct trademarks.  I would bet that as you read those different company names, you could envision the images used to represent the different brands (ie - their trademarks).

Well, Life Behind Bars also owns several trademarks.  Many of you might not realize this, but Life Behind Bars is actually a company.  A limited liability company (LLC) to be exact.  But, the point I am getting at here is that it's more than just a group you participate in.  The Parole Board owns and operates LBB and we have put a lot of time, money and creativity into growing the brand.  Part of that process has been creating and using very distinct marks for our company.

The INMATE logo and the Life Behind Bars logo are the two trademarks used most by LBB and probably the most recognizable by our members.  As such, we have created a lot of various types of contraband (merchandise) with those marks on them.  Shirts, hoodies, boyshorts, stickers and the most popular items, our INMATE shanks (bar keys/bottle openers/church keys).  And, as you might know, we have designed a new bar key, with the INMATE logo, that we will be selling very soon.

Which brings me to the point of this post.  The Parole Board has seen several people commenting about making their own LBB merchandise.  Some have offered to make bar keys while others said they are designing apparel.  Regardless of the item itself, one important thing must be addressed.  No one has the authority or legal permission to create, sell, design or otherwise use LBB trademarks without the express, written consent of The Parole Board. 

To some, this might seem like we are being too strict or unreasonable.  But, this is no different than any other company trying to protect their intellectual property.  Michael Kors, Prada and Ray Ban don't take kindly to others using their logos without permission. When others use your trademarks without permission, it waters down your brand.  If an unauthorized person creates a product with your company's logo on it, and if that product is sub par or does not meet certain standards, then it is a reflection on your company and thus, impacts the business you have worked so hard to create. 

That being said, we also understand that many of the INMATES are very creative and artistic people.  We are always looking for new ideas.  If you have an idea or an opportunity that you'd like to discuss, then talk to us.  Any one of The Parole Board would be more than happy to set up a meeting with you and hear what you have to say.  In fact, we've done this with several INMATES over the past few years.  You can reach us at info@lbbinmate.com.

So, in summation, we hope that you understand why we regulate the use of LBB trademarks.  Our plan is to expand LBB globally and through doing so, we are going to continue giving back to the service industry.  We have many great ideas that we working hard on implementing.  When this happens, all of you are going to reap the benefits.  Thank you for your time.

SERVICE INDUSTRY UNITE!      

LBB Drama - Don't Start None, Won't Be None

Up until recently, joining LBB was pretty simple.  We already considered those in the service industry as INMATES, so just by doing your job, you were part of LBB.  But if you wanted to participate in the online discussions, then you had to request to be added to the group.  However, once you made the request, The Parole Board would add you and that was it.  About as simple as it gets.

But, being simple doesn't always translate into being better.  And it seems that lately, some individuals have infiltrated the group under the guise of being an INMATE.  Said individuals have shown certain posts and comments made by their co-workers on LBB to the management at their cells.  This, of course, has caused some problems for those involved.

Yes, it's true that if you are, or were, connected to the service industry than you belong on LBB.  But, apparently, we need to be more specific about a few unwritten rules of conduct.  However, with this article, I suppose they're no longer unwritten rules.  Regardless, LBB is a place for those in the industry.  Bartenders, waiters/waitresses, cocktail servers, security, chefs and cooks, bussers, even managers and owners.  You are given the forum to discuss what's on your mind without the fear of repercussions of what you say. 

Of course, some will quickly point out that, if you are posting something on the internet, then you are assuming the risk of whatever fallout ensues thereafter.  And I can't disagree with that assessment.  Also, I realize that there is always more than one side to a story, and I'm sure the individuals that have informed upper management about posts on LBB have their reasons for doing so.  Whether anyone else agrees with it or understands it.

But, openly sharing your thoughts and opinions is at the center of what LBB is about.  Once people begin to worry about their words, we lose the ambiance that we've grown so accustom to.  If you have to rethink each thought you want to share, LBB will quickly become a shell of what it once was.  Being reluctant to express your beliefs for fear of what might follow is a plague that will spread like wildfire if we don't take active steps to prevent it.

And so,The Parole Board is doing what we can to help this problem.  Instead of just adding anyone to the group that made the request to join, we are now screening applicants.  Once a person asks to be added to LBB, The Lifer interviews the person in order to ascertain how the individual is connected to the industry, why they want to be a part of LBB, etc. 

We believe this will help reduce the issues that some INMATES have experienced lately.  Of course, we won't be able to catch each person at the door.  And that's where you come in.  If you know someone that doesn't belong in the group, send a message to The Parole Board about it.  Several INMATES have already done this and we've removed the pretenders from LBB.  We need to police ourselves and while we are at it, we must have the mutual understand that this group is for our benefit.  Whether it's strictly from an entertainment perspective or as an emotional outlet, LBB is your canvas to discuss your thoughts.  Don't ruin it for everyone by selling out your fellow INMATES.        

In closing, I'll leave with the words from Nas' song Made You Look...

"Don't start none, won't be none."

I Saw the Sign

Lately, I've noticed many local drinking establishments that are failing to comply with the requirements set forth in the Texas Government Code regarding notice about the carrying of weapons on the premise.  Section 411.204 of the Texas government Code, in relevant part, reads as follows:

 § 411.204. NOTICE REQUIRED ON CERTAIN PREMISES. 

(a) A business that has a permit or license issued under Chapter 25, 28,
32, 69, or 74, Alcoholic Beverage Code, and that derives 51 percent
or more of its income from the sale of alcoholic beverages for
on-premises consumption as determined by the Texas Alcoholic
Beverage Commission under Section 104.06, Alcoholic Beverage Code, shall prominently display at each entrance to the business premises
a sign that complies with the requirements of Subsection (c). (emphasis added). ...
(c)  The sign required under Subsections (a) and (b) must
give notice in both English and Spanish that it is unlawful for a
person licensed under this subchapter to carry a handgun on the
premises.  The sign must appear in contrasting colors with block
letters at least one inch in height and must include on its face the
number "51" printed in solid red at least five inches in height.  The sign shall be displayed in a conspicuous manner clearly visible
to the public.

 I cannot count the number of times I have been to a bar/restaurant only to observe said establishment has not satisfied the aforementioned notice requirements.  For example, I have seen the 51% sign only posted in English, I have seen the sign lacking "contrasting colors," printed in non "block letters" and I've also seen the sign with letters less than "one inch in height."  Worse than that however, are the establishments that have their 51% posted about as far from "each entrance" as possbile, in a location that is neither "conspicuous" nor "clearly visable to the public." 

Any one of the above errors constitutes insufficent notice to the carrier of a concealed handgun.  For those of you whom own or operate bars/resturants in Texas, you might want to double check your place of business to ensure you are adhereing to the proper notice requirements. 

2013 LBB State of the Union

 

Lately many people have been asking me about Life Behind Bars.  Specifically, I get asked how things are going, what new concepts are on the horizon, are there any events coming up, etc.  All of which are great questions that I feel are deserving of a detailed answer.  So, this is my attempt to explain the current status of LBB.  Think of this as a State of the Union address for Life Behind Bars if you will (Props to The Warden for the graphics above).

As most of you reading this already know, The Parole Board has a lot of big ideas to help unify the service industry.  After all, that's the entire concept behind LBB.  One of our biggest goals as company has been to create our own website.  Certainly we love using the Facebook group page to bring the INMATES together.  But, that's not how we want to operate perpetually.  Having our own website means we are not confined to set rules and parameters regarding content and design; we will only be limited by our creativity.

For a long time now, The Parole Board has been working on our website.  Over a year ago, we hired someone to create the site and we even managed to get the site in limited Beta mode.  I'd like to take this moment to give a shout-out to a few INMATES that were willing to help The Parole Board Beta test the website.  Those individuals are:  Marcus L. Rogers, Danielle Pirtle, Patrick Zimmerman, Skylar Rain and Brian Peritore.  From the beginning, they have been very supportive of LBB.  They have helped generate a lot of wonderful ideas, concepts and buzz for The Parole Board.  So, while I might be going off on a tangent here, I think it's warranted to give these INMATES their props.  Thank you, seriously.  You guys are awesome.

So, as I was saying, we began Beta testing the site and through that process, came up with a lot of great ideas.  However, the issue then became that, with those new ideas our website developer needed more money to implement them.  A lot more money actually. 

We then decided to throw an INMATE Riot (party) to help raise some extra capital for the website.  In fact, we've thrown a few Riots and continue to sell LBB contraband (merchandise) to raise capital for the website.  However, despite our efforts, we still need more money.  Building a website is a lot more expensive than I ever knew.  Too bad I wasn't born in India; I'd have this website development shit on lockdown.  But, alas, I was born in Indiana.  Which means I know as much about website development as an Indian knows about snow shoes and corn fields.  And by Indian, I mean Slurpee not Casino.  It's ok to laugh at that reference, it's funny.

Anyway, we are tired of raising a little money, but not enough to take LBB to the next level.  We need a website as it will be the central hub that everything else branches out from.  But, what does this all mean?  Well, it means that in order to get the website The Parole Board wants, we are going to have to look to outside financing.  Which is exactly what we have been doing.  Side note - our website is up and running, but it's a static site.  Soon it will be highly interactive.  In case you haven't been to the site yet, here's the link: http://www.lifebehindbarsisthebomb.com/LifeBehindBars/INMATES.html

We have spoken with numerous potential investors over the past few years.  There is a lot in interest in investing in LBB, which is a good thing.  But, the issue that we have constantly encountered is that all savvy investors want to see a business plan.  Actually, that's not the issue, the issue is that no one on The Parole Board has the slightest clue how to construct a legitimate business plan.  We have tried to create one on our own and it ended up looking like a project completed by the local elementary school.  And so, there we were with our concept and our potential investors, but without a business plan to bridge the gap.

                         
 
Well, that has all changed.  The Parole Board is good friends with a fellow INMATE that just so happens to write and review business plans for a living.  Not sure if he wants to be mentioned by name, so for now, let's call him Dre.  Dre is an accountant for a very successful firm.  He handles mergers and acquisitions for said firm.  What does that mean?  Well I am glad you asked that.   I'll tell you what it means.  It means he's a badass.  And, get this, best of all, he's one of us.  Not only have we been friends since way back in the day; he's also been in the service industry, but like me, he's now a daywalker.  But that doesn't mean he has forgotten his roots.  Dre has been helping us concoct a really impressive business plan and pretty soon, we are FINALLY going to have something we can show investors in order to get the much needed capital that will help us launch the LBB website. 

To all those that have wondered why it's taken so long to reach the next level, I hope this State of the Union address helped you better understand things.  We are getting close, very close.  Stay tuned for more details.
       

INMATE℠of the Year

Attention all INMATES℠, The Parole Board needs your help!

We know that you all work hard at your cells and each strive to maintain a high level of professionalism in your craft. However, we also know that there are a certain few amongst the INMATES℠ that take bartending to a different level. As such, Life Behind Bars℠ is happy to announce the presentation of the 1st Annual INMATE℠of the Year award during the New Years Casino Riot, set to occur at 8 p.m. on January 1, 2013.

Therefore, we need your help to determine the INMATES℠ that will be listed on the ballot. From today through next Wednesday, December 26, 2012, we are asking the INMATES℠ to submit their nominee for INMATE℠ of the Year. INMATES℠ should be selected based on their drink knowledge, entertainment factor, ability to fill a bar, industry connections, speed behind the bar, likability, participation on Life Behind Bars℠and anything else you feel is an important attribute for a bartender to possess.

Please submit your nomination for INMATE℠ of the Year to The Parole Board by emaling your selection to info@LBBinmate.com   Only one selection per INMATE℠. And, just like masturbating on an airplane, although it's not illegal, nominating yourself is frowned upon.

Voting will stop at 10 p.m. on December 26, 2012, and the top three INMATES℠ with the most nominations will advance to the final round of voting. At that time, we will ask all INMATES℠ to vote for one of the three finalists and the winner will be announced at the New Years Casino Riot. The winner will receive a special award from The Parole Board and will have bragging rights for the next 12 months.

Exercise your right to vote. Make your voice heard. INMATE℠ of the Year...it's up to you.

2013...It's That Time.

Alright INMATES, once again, it's time to welcome in the new year...LBB style.  For the majority of you, New Years Eve will be spent slinging booze while watching a bunch of amateurs drink too much.  Out of the 365 nightly opportunities to drink each year, why do all the douchebags, rookies and morons seem to infest bars and clubs when it's time to welcome in the new year?  I don't think anyone can answer that question.  Nor can anyone explain why if the #2 pencil is the most popular type of pencil, then why is it still #2?

Anyway, if you find yourself working on December 31 this year, don't fret.  On the eve of January 1, 2013, the INMATES will get their chance to welcome in the new year.  That's right, last year, The Parole Board decided enough with missing out on the most popular drinking night of the year.  We felt it was time for all the INMATES to have their own opportunity to throw-down on New Years Eve...and we made that happen.

Good news, we are doing it again.  Starting at 8 p.m. on Tuesday, January 1, 2013, we will commence the Second Annual INMATE Casino Riot.  And just like last year, we will bring Vegas to you.  Well, not all of Vegas, as we can't promise you herpes or 30 minute massages with happy endings, but there will be blackjack, roulette, and my personal favorite, craps.      

At the door, each INMATE will receive a special gift from The Parole Board.  I eluded to this gift in a blog post last week, but I'm not going to spill the beans here.  What I will say is that this will be something that each and every INMATE will use in 2013.  Actually, you will all use it multiple times for years to come.  But, that's all you get for now.

$20 at door gets you $1,000 in chips and every $250 in chips gets you a raffle ticket.  Just like last year, we have some great raffle prizes - gift certificates, LBB contraband, a one-of-a-kind bartender's briefcase and the grand prize is a fucking 1080p flat screen tv.

So, come hang out with your fellow INMATES on a night that's dedicated just to you.  We will partake in gambling while drinking way too much.  At midnight, we will watch the ball drop (something that Justin Bieber only wishes he could say).  Tell your friends, dress to impress and get ready to have a great time.  See you there.

Man vs. Booze

Move out of the way Adam Richman because The Lifer has taken your food challenges to a new level.  Last year, to celebrate 11/11/11, The Lifer decided to take 11 shots of Rumplemintz at 11 p.m.  Yes, that's right, 11 shots of Rumple all within the time span of about two minutes.  And get this, afterwards, he still had to bartend for over 3 hours. 

Well, today is 12/12/12 and in attempt to entice The Lifer to down 12 shots of Rumple at midnight, The Warden went deep into the LBB vault to find the incredible video footage from last year.  If you haven't seen this yet, you won't believe your eyes.  And if you've seen it before, you'll be just as impressed as you were the first time.  Have a look...

                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqiPDkIEF94

Unfortunately, The Lifer has proclaimed that he will not succumb to the pressure of taking 12 shots tonight.  Apparently, his liver retired shortly after the video was made and The Lifer is now a Type 2 Diabetic.  Call us selfish, but The Warden and I till think he should top last year's feat.  Perhaps with enough comments to the video on our YouTube channel, Life Behind Bars News, he will accept the challenge.